Fabulous Financials

Recently, I noticed my checking account balance was significantly higher than expected.

Woo-Hoo! We have more money to spend for the holidays!, said irrational Single Ma.

Girl, please! Sit yo azz down cuz you know this can’t be right!, said rational Single Ma.

Yea, I have two personalities when it comes to spending money. They battle with each other often, but 9x out of 10, the rational side wins. Thank goodness.

I logged into my bank account and noticed an extra $1,000 plus and change. Wish I could say it was an early gift from a loved one, but I haven’t been so fortunate. Yet. Although I wanted to rejoice and think I made an accounting error in my favor, the actual number was peculiar because it wasn’t a nice round figure. Instead, it was a specific amount with change to the penny. A number that looked awfully familiar. You know, something very similar to my mortgage payment. Hmm…interesting.

::pause::

Hol’up, wait. WTF…

MY MORTGAGE PAYMENT????????!!!!!!!!!

…the following took place in a span of 30 seconds.

—————————————————-

[scanning the screen]

Yep, two payments posted on the 3rd.

One for the first loan and one for the second.

But the payment for the first loan was returned on the 6th.

What the fugg??????????

[check previous payment history]

Amount correct.

[check online billpay confirmation page]

Everything processed as usual.

[check email history for lender's confirmation of payment received]

Nada.

[keep looking, scroll through page 2]

Nada.

*thinking* Hmm…

[logon to mortgage website]

*poking around* Doody doo…

[check to see if account had been sold]

Nope.

[check payment history]

Last payment posted on 5 November 2007.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech….

[check today's date]

7 December 2007.

[irrational Single Ma butts in, ready to open a can of whoop azz]

- it’s Friday night after 10pm
- need to talk to mortgage company
- need to talk to bank
- somebody betta ‘xplain!
- late payment = late fee
- late fee = credit report
- incompetent customer service will take over an hour to resolve problem
- f*ck!

[rational Single Ma]

*smack* Didn’t I say sit yo azz down?! Geez!

[continues to search mortgage website]

Same payment since December 2006. Everything looks normal.

::pause::

*thinking* December 2006. December 2007…

[search for November 2006 payment]

Well I’ll be damn!

—————————————————-

You might recall the lovely, yet unexpected surprise I received in November 2006. An escrow refund and a mortgage reduction. Very nice…and timely might I add. Then, exactly one year later, it happened again in November 2007. Another escrow refund but this letter made no mention of a mortgage adjustment. I think any reasonable person could put 2 + 2 together and assume, previous refund = mortgage reduction, subsequent (but smaller) refund = subsequent (but smaller) mortgage reduction. Right?

With that logic, I erred on the side of caution and assumed there was no mortgage reduction at all. I scheduled December’s payment for the first business day of the month, recorded the payment date and confirmation number in MS Money, noted the payment when it posted to my checking account, and continued with life as usual. That is, until I noticed this extra money.

A little more digging on my bank’s website revealed a message from customer service:

Date: 12/6/2007

To: xx

From: Customer Service

Subject: Online Message

Message:

Dear Ms. Single Ma,This email is to inform you the payment to xx Bank was returned to us. The details of the transaction are as follows:

- Returned Due To: Incorrect Payment Amount
- Payee Name: xx Bank
- Amount: $1,xxx.xx
- Date: 12/3/2007

Our records indicate this payment was returned by the payee indicating they will not accept partial or over payments; therefore, your funding account will be credited for this payment amount within 2-5 business days.

We recommend you verify the account information with the payee, and update your payee list prior to scheduling future payments.

Please note: You may have to schedule a new payment or make alternate arrangements.

If you need further assistance, please contact us by e-mail using the ‘Contact Us’ feature at usaa.com.

Sincerely,
xx
Electronic Banking Bill Payment Specialist
USAA Federal Savings Bank

Then a little more digging on my mortgage company’s website revealed the payment amount, effective 1 December, had INCREASED. And guess by how much? $10.17. Yep, you saw that right. Although my payment history clearly shows the same amount for the past year that has always been paid ON TIME, these fuggas returned a twelve hunnid dollar payment for $10.17!!

::about to be dead::

[recap]

- mortgage company sends escrow refund to customer
- escrow refunds are processed due to OVER payments
- despite escrow REFUND, mortgage company INCREASES mortgage payment
- mortgage company does not notify customer of change

- customer processes monthly payment as usual
- same payment made for past 11 months

- mortgage company receives payment on the 3rd
- mortgage company returns payment on the 6th
- customer notices returned payment on the 7th
- customer confused

- after research, mortgage company notifies bank that neither partial payments NOR overpayments are acceptable
- customer really confused
- customer discovers escrow adjustment increased payment by $10.17

- customer must reschedule payment (+$10.17)
- any payments rec’d after __ will incur a late fee
- via online bill pay, new payment will not be received until 11th
- potential late fee is $____

Remind me again. All of this is over how much?

TEN DOLLARS AND SEVENTEEN CENTS.

You have GOT to be fuggin kidding me!

Most of you know how much I love helping people. And if you didn’t know, I’m saying it right now. I, SINGLE MA, LOVE HELPING PEOPLE!! It gives me a natural high. I love to share my knowledge. I love to give whatever I have if it will make someone else’s life easier. I especially love to help people who work HARD. I love to watch someone turn their life around. I love to see people succeed. If by chance, I can do something to help, it’s extra icing on the cake. Seeing YOU happy makes ME happy. I’m confident with mine, so I don’t hate, I congratulate.

Now having said all that, I need to get something off my chest. I’ve been holding back for a long time and I’m about to let it all hang out. Are you ready? Probably not, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. I despise TWO things:

1 - Ungrateful People. I despise people who take others for granted. I despise people who don’t show appreciation. People who can’t part their lips or type an email to say THANK YOU. Online and real life. My brother and I had a big falling out about this a few years ago. His “entitlement” attitude caused him to miss out on a big opportunity. Lil sucker learned his lesson and I’ve never had to remind him to show appreciation again. And here’s a public service announcement to the rest of you ungrateful people - if you ever ask me for anything and I take time out of my busy schedule to help you (especially if it took a significant amount of effort) and you do not have the common courtesy to say THANK YOU, then guess what? THERE WON’T BE A NEXT TIME. Trust and believe!

2 - Complacent People. I despise people who blame others or use their circumstances as an excuse. It grinds on my last reserve nerve. Dammit, I’ve lived a hard life too. I was born and raised in the G-H-E-T-T-O. Brick City to be exact. Yea, typical sob story. I grew up without a dad, we ate gub’ment cheese, and lived in the projects. Oh woe is me. I was a single mom by 17, on welfare at 18, flunked out of college too. But whoopty damn doo! Nobody owed me N-E-THING. I made my bed and I had to lay in it. But I also knew I wanted a better life for my child, so I had to DO better. Whatever that means to you, just do SOMETHING.

I get sick and tired of hearing these comments…real life comments by the way:

“You can say that now because you make so much money…” It’s not even about money. What the heck do you think I was saying in the PROCESS of getting to where I am now? Do you think I’m content now? Hardly! My life is just beginning!

“You can say that because you had family support.” Ya think? I moved out of my mother’s home when I was 19. I left the state when I was 23. Come again?

“Life is just easier for people like you.” ::blank stare:: What part of the world do YOU live in? ::checking the pigmentation of my skin::

“You can do all of that because you only have 1 child.” I won’t even justify this one with a response. Next…

“At least you get child support.” Yea ok, that $60/month sure does come in handy when I have to pay $125/month for her braces. Oh let’s not forget her oboe lessons, band fees, tumbling classes, cheerleading fees, field trips, lunch money…shall I go on? Yea, whatev!

…and the wonderful blog comments that begin like this:

…being a single working mother who also goes to school, I don’t have time to…

Guess what? I am also a single mother who worked and went to school (undergrad and grad) FULL TIME, but I still made it a priority to manage my credit and finances. Being a single parent is a responsibility, NOT a crutch. So please do not use being a single parent as an EXCUSE. Just admit you don’t WANT to do it. I’m not saying it’s easy, but if you want it bad enough, MAKE IT HAPPEN. If not, at least kill the excuses and STOP COMPLAINING!

Before you mention major health problems, sick kids, etc. - check out OnMoneymaking and Inside the Gates of J for a little inspiration.

We’ll return to our regularly scheduled program on Monday.

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

No finance post today. Single Ma is in a foul mood because:

1 - BabyGirl brought home her interim report (half way thru grading cycle) this week. Two As, three Bs, one C, and a D+. *faint* The last two are in IB classes of course. The C was expected. We struggled with a few projects last month. Shyt was so hard, had ME wondering if *I* needed a tutor. Damn! But what REALLY pisses me off is the D+. WTF!! She’s NEVER brought home a D. Ever!! Add another slice of pissed to my off is that the D+ is in one of her STRONGEST areas…English!! This chic reads daily, she writes award winning essays, she comprehends like nobody’s business, she took the SAT in 7th grade for a gifted program and damn near ACED the reading portion. Mama is perplexed. If I have to hear one more time “but ma, this school is different - it’s HAAAAAAAARD,” I’ma bust a cap. I aint lying! Parent/teacher conference next week before I have to chop her in the neck.

2 - Had a lil sitchyashion with the JV cheerleading coach this week. I gave her a pass this time because mama aint tryna catch a case, but if BabyGirl comes home and tell me ONE MO’ GIN that she was aggressively placed in position (out of frustration) when she couldn’t get the stunt formation right, that bytch getting chopped in the neck.

3 - My rent check - $1,825 - was processed TWICE. Through my checking account out of wack. No one can explain this unusual phenomenon, but SOMEBODY is going to give me my money back…TODAY. If they come at me with “we’ll apply it to next month,” somebody’s getting chopped in the neck.

4 - A little punk went running to my supervisor because he didn’t like the changes I am making. While I wasn’t reprimanded per se, she advised me to be a little more gentle (read: diplomatic) because the office is going through growing pains. *sigh* Politics. I’m new to this position, and admittedly, my management skills are on par with SIMILAC. My initial instinct was to find that MF and chop him in the neck, but I have a better idea. Instead of making the changes quick and painful, now I’ll make them SLOW and painful. Doesn’t make sense, but either way works for me.

5 - I had a 4 day weekend planned with images of brown sand and blue water by way of Ocean City, MD. I intended to plop my lazy arse in a beach chair and not move for at least 36 hours, except to eat, sleep, and ____. I rented a 2br/2ba beach front condo for $300 and planned to pick up the keys tomorrow morning. Until…BabyGirl reminded me that she has a doctor’s appointment on SATURDAY AT 12PM. WTF!! When did I make THAT appointment? Umm, we made it AUGUST because that was the earliest this doctor could fit in a NEW patient. DAMN! I wish I could chop the doctor in the neck, but an overdue tetanus shot is kinda important.

That’s all I got.

I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A FABULOUS F*CKED UP WEEKEND!!

Misery loves company…

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

I hate ‘em. Hate ‘em, hate ‘em, hate ‘em! With a passion!

I left work late today so my BabyGirl had to bum a ride from one of her friends. She could have stayed at school for another 30 minutes until I arrived, but her friend offered to take her home. She called and asked if it was ok and I said sure if it’s ok with the girl’s mother.

From my BabyGirl’s account, when the mother arrived, the girl introduced my daughter and the woman was very cold. My daughter has a VERY ethnic name and she wears her hair short and spiked. Description of a typical problem child, right? Hmph!

My daughter, being the bubbly person that she is, spoke to the woman and asked how was her day. And guess what the woman did? She looked at my child and said NOTHING. I mean naythan! Looked at my child and said not a thing!!

Feeling rejected, my daughter turned to her friend and told her where we lived so she could relay it to her mom. My daughter said when her friend mentioned our address, the woman’s entire demeanor changed. All of a sudden, she was interested in conversing with my child and started asking her all kinds of questions. Where are you from? When did you move here? Blah, blah, blah. As she was taught, my daughter answered every question, responded with yes ma’am and no ma’am when appropriate, and was generally pleasant.

During the ride, the girls began to chat about their day. You know which teacher is nice, which one is mean, which class is going to be hard, who gave homework already, etc. Apparently, the woman was surprised that my daughter was in some of the same IB classes with her daughter. Yea heffa, my daughter is smart TOO!

So she asked my daughter what grade she was in and “if” she was going to college. Not which college she would attend, she asked “if” she was going to college! To which my daughter replied with astonishment “of course, my mom would kill me if I didn’t!” She must have been surprised by her outburst and asked my daughter if her mom went to college too. *dead*

I have no idea how the conversation turned to me, but this woman managed to asked my child where I went to school, where I worked, and what I did for a living. WTF!!! Although I prefer that she didn’t, my daughter answered every question with pride. By the time they reached our house, the woman gave my daughter her business card (how the hell you give a child your biz card) to give me and invited us to have tea at their house on Saturday.

From the bottom of my heart, I say to you “BIATCH PLEASE!!”

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

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I rarely carry cash, so when I need it, I have to make a special trip to the bank. Since I hate cash, I only withdraw the exact amount. This is a rare occurrence that probably happens no more than 3 or 4 times a year.

Recently, BabyGirl was going somewhere and told me she needed $20 at the last minute (imagine that). I didn’t have time to make a bank run, so I gave her my debit card and asked the person driving to stop by the ATM. I didn’t think to say Bank of America’s ATM because I hardly ever use ATMs.

Anyhoo, the next day when I was reviewing my account, I noticed they used a foreign ATM because I saw the $2.00 transaction fee. A few days later, Bank of America charged me another $2.00 - as a thank you gift I suppose. And what do you think I did?

Ya damn skippy, y’all know me. As a 7 year Bank of America customer who has had direct deposit, 2 checking accounts, 2 credit cards, 1 savings account, and 1 money market account - I nicely asked the customer service rep to refund the $4.00 ATM fees. As expected, she told me flat out NO CAN DO - straight, no chaser. So I asked to speak with a supervisor.

Now Ms. Supervisor, proving to me that she’s hooked on phonics, repeated the same but only after reading the terms and conditions of my account verbatim from her computer screen. She then stated they could refund “certain” fees, but as POLICY, they are not allowed to refund ATM fees. Umm, ok. I’m sure you can imagine my response to that. I would recount the conversation, but don’t worry, it was short.

Just to put things in perspective - you know, make sure we were on the same page - I asked her to review my account history, the number of accounts, the status of my accounts, the number and amount of deposits, and acknowledgment of my repeat business for ALL of my banking needs. After she confirmed what I already knew, I again asked her to refund the $4.00 as a ONE TIME COURTESY. Her response?

“Ms. SM, we appreciate your business and you are a valued customer, but I’m afraid I can’t do that. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

*blank stare*

Not in the mood, I said thank you and ended the call.

[here's how to say f*** you in bank-a-nese]

The next day, I opened a USAA no-fee checking account with the following features:

- FREE ATM use worldwide.
- ATM charges from other banks refunded (without request) up to $15 per month.
- FREE checks for life.
- Rewards for debit card purchases.
- Combine debit and credit card rewards.
- FREE bill pay.
- No monthly service fee.
- No direct deposit required.
- No minimum balance required.
- Interest bearing.
- FREE Deposit @ Home feature (make deposits from home with pdf files)

After my new account was confirmed, I went online to change my salary direct deposit.

I went to Sallie Mae and Geico to change the account for auto debit payments.

I went to Google Adsense, PayPal, ING, HSBC, and Sharebuilder to change my linked account.

When I received my USAA debit card, I transferred the entire balance from checking #1 to USAA. I also transferred all but $1.00 from checking #2 to USAA.

Account #2 was recently opened under new Ts&Cs with no direct deposit required, no monthly fee, and $100 promotion. Will keep it for the convenience of tenant rent deposits only. When rent posts, will do same day transfer to USAA.

After confirming the USAA link to HSBC, I transferred my entire savings and money market balances to HSBC.

I deleted all of my financial information from their “My Portfolio” feature and set up shop with Yodlee.

I deleted all of my payee information from their bill pay service and set up with USAA.

After I confirmed all of my changes were effective, I called Bank of America customer service again. But this time, the conversation was slightly different.

SM: I’d like to combine my credit limits and close card #2.
CS: Sure we can do that for you.

I combined credit limits to maintain the total available credit, which helps utilization for maximum FICO effect. Closed card #2 because #1 was the oldest. Always keep older cards to maintain average age of credit history for maximum FICO effect. Although one CC remains, the limit is now $45k , balance is zero, and it will NEVER be used again.

CS: Is there anything else I can help you with?
SM: Yes, please close…rattling off the following:

- checking acct #1
- savings acct
- money market acct

CS: May I ask why you’re closing so many accounts?
SM: *smirking* Apparently my business isn’t worth $4.00 - give cliff notes version of conversation with previous CSR.

CS: If I have permission to place you on hold, I will see if I can process that refund for you.
SM: Ok, but I still want you to close the accounts.

CS: Ms. SM, may I transfer you to another department that can better handle your request?
SM: *hip to their “retention” department game* Sure…

RCS: I understand we have an unsatisfied customer. What can we do to keep you happy Ms. SM?
SM: *short and sweet* Close my accounts as requested.

RCS: Ms. SM, we value your business and I apologize for the inconvenience, but the CS you spoke to a few days ago didn’t handle your request properly. I can refund the ATM charges and offer you blah, blah, blah.
SM: *considered hustling but changed my mind - I know, shocking huh?* Close my accounts please.

RCS: More blah, blah, blah
SM: *yawn*

RCS: I’m very sorry we were not able to resolve the situation to your satisfaction. We value your business, but I will close the accounts. Please allow 5 days for the status to update.
SM: Thank you. [click]
Note to Bank of America: I appreciate the $4.00 refund, which is all I wanted in the first place, but it was a day late and a dollar short. There’s too much competition in the market for incompetent customer service. I will now enjoy the many conveniences offered by USAA - including the FREE WORLDWIDE ATM usage. May our 7 year relationship RIP.

Peace & Blessings

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

~SM