Fabulous Financials

It really bothers me when a married person (with or without kids) asks a single person (with kids) for money. Regardless of the reason or circumstance, this irks the hell out of me.

Ok, that is all.

Houston, we have a problem! Ya see, today was payday and I’m looking at my electronic statement, but there are two things wrong:

1 - The amount is WRONG. Not just wrong, but in the neighborhood of $2,000 wrong! You might think having too much money is a good thing, but NO NO NO NO NO. There were no contributions to my 401k, Roth, or any other allotments. There were no withdrawals for my benefits. Do I have medical coverage? Life insurance? Flexible spending? To make matters worse, my state and federal exemptions are WRONG WRONG WRONG. Because of this, I’ve just paid a BUTT LOAD OF TAXES!! Lawd bejeebus!

2 - Last but not least, if not THE most important - I can see it in the payroll system, but I can’t touch it. Why? The deposit was NOT made into my checking account!! So I got paid today, but I didn’t really get paid today.

Call me Dolla Bill cuz I’m pissed. Somebody done fugged up the church’s money!

BabyGirl ordered a pizza last night. She told me the total was $12.87, so I wrote a check for an even $15.00. Half hour later, the pizza delivery guy knocks on the door. She opens it and takes the pizza, he takes the check. I hear the door close. Cool.

But a few seconds later, I hear someone knock again. By then, BabyGirl was already woofing down the pizza like I hadn’t fed her in ages, so I answered the door myself.

Pizza Guy: Hi ma’m, I just wanted to let you know that your check was only for $15.00.

Single Ma: Oh, did I make a mistake? How much was the pizza?

PG: It was $12.87.

SM: *blank stare*

PG: That leaves me with only $2 and change as a tip.

SM: *shifting stance to place hands on hip* And your point?

PG: I just figured you would give me at least $3.

SM: *head tilt with a raised eyebrow*

PG: Sorry to bother you ma’am.

SM: *closes the door*

Although I didn’t say what I was thinking, my facial expression spoke volumes. Had this been a teenager, I might would have felt bad and scraped some change from the bottom of my purse. But this was a grown ass man and it pissed me off!! Lucky he caught me on a good day. Hmph!

There’s a bank I hate. You know, the one I was with for many years but they didn’t think I was worth $4.00, so I closed multiple accounts all in one day? Then they reversed the $4.00 charge to persuade me to stay, but I told them to KMA in bank-anese? Yea, that one. Well they sent me a dumb azz email today with an “exclusive” offer for its “most valued customers” only.

From the email:

Extra Cash Online is supplemental income insurance that helps you cover your expenses if you can’t work. Get cash each month paid directly to you when you’re not receiving a regular paycheck due to a covered event.

First of all, this is clearly referred to as “supplemental income” insurance so let’s not confuse it with the useful benefit of “disability” insurance. In that case, WTF is a “covered event” and how do you determine “if you can’t work?”

Can I quit?

Can I get fired - on purpose?

Can my child be sick?

How about if my dog is sick?

What if I just feel like taking a month long hiatus for mental health purposes?

Oh, and it will only cost you $9.30/month if you want to receive a $500/month payout for 3 months. But remember, it’s only if “you can’t work” due to a “covered event.” Ambiguous much? And it gets better! That’s only the standard plan. You can pay from $10.65 to $20.75/month if you want to extend the $500 payout to 6 months or receive a $1,000 payout for 3 months.

The extra cash plan is flexible and affordable! Whichever option suits your needs and your budget! Sign up right away…it’s quick and easy!

[/sarcasm]

That’s a bunch of bullshyt. How about you keep your money, screw the bank’s profits, pay yourself FIRST, and create your own “extra cash” plan. Hmm…the setup is awfully familiar.  It reminds me of something.  $500-$1,000? 3-6 months of expenses? Use it only when you need it? By golly, that sounds a lot like an emergency fund to me. Wow, what a novel idea!

*blank stare*

This is simply bait for poor people who don’t know any better. And we wonder why the rich get richer while the poor get poorer.

*sigh* I hate that bank even more now.

[/rant]

I don’t even know how to explain the 5 minute conversation I just had with my cousin. Let me preface this by saying, she lives in housing and works at Wa.lm.art.

The timing belt on her Daewoo (sp?) broke and she put it in the shop. After nearly 2 weeks, the mechanic told her that the timing belt damaged the engine valve so the car was basically irreparable. She asked about the price of an engine, which turns out to be ~$2,300.

Instead of getting a second opinion - OR
Researching the price of a used engine - OR
Replacing the engine - OR
Looking for a decent used car - OR
Buying a decent used car - OR
Calling Single Ma for her opinion - OR
Asking Single Ma for her help.

This chic goes out and buys a BRAND NEW car!!!

Single Ma: *choke* you did what!

Single Ma’s Cousin: Girl, I got me a new ride!! LOL

SM: *confused* And whyyyyy?

SMC: Umm, so I can get to work.

SM: But why did you need a NEW car? And what kind of car is it?

SMC: It’s not really ‘new’. It’s a 2007 Chevy Malibu.

SM: A Malibu? *rolling my eyez* And how much did you pay for it?

SMC: The man worked it out for me so my payments are only $300/month.

SM: You can’t afford $300/month. HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR IT?

SMC: What do you mean?

SM: The CAR girl! How much did you pay for the car?

SMC: Oh, I don’t know. About $12,000 I think.

[continues to talk but her words are incomprehensible]

SM: *tuning out conversation* Girl, let me call you back.

SMC: *still yapping*

SM: *click*

I don’t even know what to say…

*thinking* I need a glass of wine.