Fabulous Financials

Houston, we have a problem! Ya see, today was payday and I’m looking at my electronic statement, but there are two things wrong:

1 - The amount is WRONG. Not just wrong, but in the neighborhood of $2,000 wrong! You might think having too much money is a good thing, but NO NO NO NO NO. There were no contributions to my 401k, Roth, or any other allotments. There were no withdrawals for my benefits. Do I have medical coverage? Life insurance? Flexible spending? To make matters worse, my state and federal exemptions are WRONG WRONG WRONG. Because of this, I’ve just paid a BUTT LOAD OF TAXES!! Lawd bejeebus!

2 - Last but not least, if not THE most important - I can see it in the payroll system, but I can’t touch it. Why? The deposit was NOT made into my checking account!! So I got paid today, but I didn’t really get paid today.

Call me Dolla Bill cuz I’m pissed. Somebody done fugged up the church’s money!

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

BabyGirl ordered a pizza last night. She told me the total was $12.87, so I wrote a check for an even $15.00. Half hour later, the pizza delivery guy knocks on the door. She opens it and takes the pizza, he takes the check. I hear the door close. Cool.

But a few seconds later, I hear someone knock again. By then, BabyGirl was already woofing down the pizza like I hadn’t fed her in ages, so I answered the door myself.

Pizza Guy: Hi ma’m, I just wanted to let you know that your check was only for $15.00.

Single Ma: Oh, did I make a mistake? How much was the pizza?

PG: It was $12.87.

SM: *blank stare*

PG: That leaves me with only $2 and change as a tip.

SM: *shifting stance to place hands on hip* And your point?

PG: I just figured you would give me at least $3.

SM: *head tilt with a raised eyebrow*

PG: Sorry to bother you ma’am.

SM: *closes the door*

Although I didn’t say what I was thinking, my facial expression spoke volumes. Had this been a teenager, I might would have felt bad and scraped some change from the bottom of my purse. But this was a grown ass man and it pissed me off!! Lucky he caught me on a good day. Hmph!

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

There’s a bank I hate. You know, the one I was with for many years but they didn’t think I was worth $4.00, so I closed multiple accounts all in one day? Then they reversed the $4.00 charge to persuade me to stay, but I told them to KMA in bank-anese? Yea, that one. Well they sent me a dumb azz email today with an “exclusive” offer for its “most valued customers” only.

From the email:

Extra Cash Online is supplemental income insurance that helps you cover your expenses if you can’t work. Get cash each month paid directly to you when you’re not receiving a regular paycheck due to a covered event.

First of all, this is clearly referred to as “supplemental income” insurance so let’s not confuse it with the useful benefit of “disability” insurance. In that case, WTF is a “covered event” and how do you determine “if you can’t work?”

Can I quit?

Can I get fired - on purpose?

Can my child be sick?

How about if my dog is sick?

What if I just feel like taking a month long hiatus for mental health purposes?

Oh, and it will only cost you $9.30/month if you want to receive a $500/month payout for 3 months. But remember, it’s only if “you can’t work” due to a “covered event.” Ambiguous much? And it gets better! That’s only the standard plan. You can pay from $10.65 to $20.75/month if you want to extend the $500 payout to 6 months or receive a $1,000 payout for 3 months.

The extra cash plan is flexible and affordable! Whichever option suits your needs and your budget! Sign up right away…it’s quick and easy!

[/sarcasm]

That’s a bunch of bullshyt. How about you keep your money, screw the bank’s profits, pay yourself FIRST, and create your own “extra cash” plan. Hmm…the setup is awfully familiar.  It reminds me of something.  $500-$1,000? 3-6 months of expenses? Use it only when you need it? By golly, that sounds a lot like an emergency fund to me. Wow, what a novel idea!

*blank stare*

This is simply bait for poor people who don’t know any better. And we wonder why the rich get richer while the poor get poorer.

*sigh* I hate that bank even more now.

[/rant]

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

I don’t even know how to explain the 5 minute conversation I just had with my cousin. Let me preface this by saying, she lives in housing and works at Wa.lm.art.

The timing belt on her Daewoo (sp?) broke and she put it in the shop. After nearly 2 weeks, the mechanic told her that the timing belt damaged the engine valve so the car was basically irreparable. She asked about the price of an engine, which turns out to be ~$2,300.

Instead of getting a second opinion - OR
Researching the price of a used engine - OR
Replacing the engine - OR
Looking for a decent used car - OR
Buying a decent used car - OR
Calling Single Ma for her opinion - OR
Asking Single Ma for her help.

This chic goes out and buys a BRAND NEW car!!!

Single Ma: *choke* you did what!

Single Ma’s Cousin: Girl, I got me a new ride!! LOL

SM: *confused* And whyyyyy?

SMC: Umm, so I can get to work.

SM: But why did you need a NEW car? And what kind of car is it?

SMC: It’s not really ‘new’. It’s a 2007 Chevy Malibu.

SM: A Malibu? *rolling my eyez* And how much did you pay for it?

SMC: The man worked it out for me so my payments are only $300/month.

SM: You can’t afford $300/month. HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR IT?

SMC: What do you mean?

SM: The CAR girl! How much did you pay for the car?

SMC: Oh, I don’t know. About $12,000 I think.

[continues to talk but her words are incomprehensible]

SM: *tuning out conversation* Girl, let me call you back.

SMC: *still yapping*

SM: *click*

I don’t even know what to say…

*thinking* I need a glass of wine.

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!

Recently, I noticed my checking account balance was significantly higher than expected.

Woo-Hoo! We have more money to spend for the holidays!, said irrational Single Ma.

Girl, please! Sit yo azz down cuz you know this can’t be right!, said rational Single Ma.

Yea, I have two personalities when it comes to spending money. They battle with each other often, but 9x out of 10, the rational side wins. Thank goodness.

I logged into my bank account and noticed an extra $1,000 plus and change. Wish I could say it was an early gift from a loved one, but I haven’t been so fortunate. Yet. Although I wanted to rejoice and think I made an accounting error in my favor, the actual number was peculiar because it wasn’t a nice round figure. Instead, it was a specific amount with change to the penny. A number that looked awfully familiar. You know, something very similar to my mortgage payment. Hmm…interesting.

::pause::

Hol’up, wait. WTF…

MY MORTGAGE PAYMENT????????!!!!!!!!!

…the following took place in a span of 30 seconds.

—————————————————-

[scanning the screen]

Yep, two payments posted on the 3rd.

One for the first loan and one for the second.

But the payment for the first loan was returned on the 6th.

What the fugg??????????

[check previous payment history]

Amount correct.

[check online billpay confirmation page]

Everything processed as usual.

[check email history for lender’s confirmation of payment received]

Nada.

[keep looking, scroll through page 2]

Nada.

*thinking* Hmm…

[logon to mortgage website]

*poking around* Doody doo…

[check to see if account had been sold]

Nope.

[check payment history]

Last payment posted on 5 November 2007.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech….

[check today’s date]

7 December 2007.

[irrational Single Ma butts in, ready to open a can of whoop azz]

- it’s Friday night after 10pm
- need to talk to mortgage company
- need to talk to bank
- somebody betta ‘xplain!
- late payment = late fee
- late fee = credit report
- incompetent customer service will take over an hour to resolve problem
- f*ck!

[rational Single Ma]

*smack* Didn’t I say sit yo azz down?! Geez!

[continues to search mortgage website]

Same payment since December 2006. Everything looks normal.

::pause::

*thinking* December 2006. December 2007…

[search for November 2006 payment]

Well I’ll be damn!

—————————————————-

You might recall the lovely, yet unexpected surprise I received in November 2006. An escrow refund and a mortgage reduction. Very nice…and timely might I add. Then, exactly one year later, it happened again in November 2007. Another escrow refund but this letter made no mention of a mortgage adjustment. I think any reasonable person could put 2 + 2 together and assume, previous refund = mortgage reduction, subsequent (but smaller) refund = subsequent (but smaller) mortgage reduction. Right?

With that logic, I erred on the side of caution and assumed there was no mortgage reduction at all. I scheduled December’s payment for the first business day of the month, recorded the payment date and confirmation number in MS Money, noted the payment when it posted to my checking account, and continued with life as usual. That is, until I noticed this extra money.

A little more digging on my bank’s website revealed a message from customer service:

Date: 12/6/2007

To: xx

From: Customer Service

Subject: Online Message

Message:

Dear Ms. Single Ma,This email is to inform you the payment to xx Bank was returned to us. The details of the transaction are as follows:

- Returned Due To: Incorrect Payment Amount
- Payee Name: xx Bank
- Amount: $1,xxx.xx
- Date: 12/3/2007

Our records indicate this payment was returned by the payee indicating they will not accept partial or over payments; therefore, your funding account will be credited for this payment amount within 2-5 business days.

We recommend you verify the account information with the payee, and update your payee list prior to scheduling future payments.

Please note: You may have to schedule a new payment or make alternate arrangements.

If you need further assistance, please contact us by e-mail using the ‘Contact Us’ feature at usaa.com.

Sincerely,
xx
Electronic Banking Bill Payment Specialist
USAA Federal Savings Bank

 

Then a little more digging on my mortgage company’s website revealed the payment amount, effective 1 December, had INCREASED. And guess by how much? $10.17. Yep, you saw that right. Although my payment history clearly shows the same amount for the past year that has always been paid ON TIME, these fuggas returned a twelve hunnid dollar payment for $10.17!!

::about to be dead::

[recap]

- mortgage company sends escrow refund to customer
- escrow refunds are processed due to OVER payments
- despite escrow REFUND, mortgage company INCREASES mortgage payment
- mortgage company does not notify customer of change

- customer processes monthly payment as usual
- same payment made for past 11 months

- mortgage company receives payment on the 3rd
- mortgage company returns payment on the 6th
- customer notices returned payment on the 7th
- customer confused

- after research, mortgage company notifies bank that neither partial payments NOR overpayments are acceptable
- customer really confused
- customer discovers escrow adjustment increased payment by $10.17

- customer must reschedule payment (+$10.17)
- any payments rec’d after __ will incur a late fee
- via online bill pay, new payment will not be received until 11th
- potential late fee is $____

Remind me again. All of this is over how much?

TEN DOLLARS AND SEVENTEEN CENTS.

You have GOT to be fuggin kidding me!

~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!