Fabulous Financials

I’ve made plenty of dumb decisions in my life.  But last week, I think I did the dumbest thing…ever.  Ok, maybe not the dumbEST, but it was pretty high up there.  Wanna know what I did?  Good, ’cause I was gonna tell you anyway.  But you can’t tell noooooo-body!  I have a reputation to uphold, ya know. LOL  See, what had happened was…the story is guaranteed to be good if it starts like that. LOL

I bought a dining coupon from restaurant.com last November and it was scheduled to expire this month.  I bought it during one of those 90% off deals.  You know the one when you get a $25 coupon for about $2?  Yea, that one.

Man, those coupons are loaded with restrictions!  Some are lunch only, dinner only, party of 2 or more, minimum order of $40, 18% gratuity before coupon applied, scratch your butt, rub your head, yada yada.  I think I read one that said “must use on rainy day when sun sets at 5:32pm.”  No, I’m just kidding! LOL  But a ton of restrictions are written in the fine print!

So anyway, I had this coupon and I wanted to use it before it expired.  I reviewed all of its restrictions – dinner only, party of 2 or more, minimum order of $35, 18% gratuity – cool.  When BabyGirl came home, I drove clear across town, sat in 40 minutes of traffic, and suppressed my road rage with thoughts of mouth watering prime rib.  After we were seated, a quick glance at the menu made me feel so smart for having a $25 off coupon.

Before placing my order, I showed the waiter my coupon to make sure they would accept it.  “No problem” he assured me.  I ordered the prime rib and BabyGirl ordered a burger or something simple.  I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into that red meat!  And it was going to be practically FREE!  Yea baby, bring it on!

But a few minutes later, a different gentleman came over to our table and burst my little bubble.  He explained that I had to order TWO meals, valued at $35 EACH, in order to use my $25 off coupon.  WTF!!  He pointed to a line on the coupon that I had apparently misinterpreted. Then waited patiently for a response…

My mind raced.  Do I leave or do I stay?  I heard their prime rib was good here. You’re hungry.  No, you’re starving.  And you drove 40 minutes – IN TRAFFIC!  But wait, who the heck wants to pay $70 for a meal with their kid?  Even if it is $25 off!  Had I known this, I would have come with a friend so we could split the meal 50/50.  Do I leave or do I stay?  Is that prime rib I smell over there?  Aww shoot, I’m staying!

I kept my prime rib order and BabyGirl upgraded to a ribeye.  I told her to get it medium well, but she insisted on well done.  Fine.  The waiter was attentive, the display and delivery of our food was entertaining,  but the flavor was blah.  With a dash of salt, my prime rib was somewhat edible.  But BabyGirl said her steak was dry and tough.  Not only were we disappointed with the meat, but we quickly realized that our $35+ “meals” didn’t come with any sides!  WTF!

I ordered a side dish for us to share because I wanted a veggie.  I wasn’t sure what to expect, so I played it safe and ordered the broccoli.  A $15 side of broccoli?  Jesus wept.  The presentation of the brocoli could have come out of a magazine.  But upon closer inspection, it appeared to be the same raw bushel from the produce section in the grocery store!  I didn’t even want to taste it.  Just eww!  BabyGirl played with it for a few minutes.  I was highly disappointed.  Little did I know, things were about to get worse.

*sigh*

Lawdhavemercygetjesusonthemainline!  When the waiter brought me the final bill, I wanted to scream. It was $76.23! *blink blink blink blink*

I thought I was reading the number backwards. Eighty bucks for bland prime rib, rubber steak, raw vegetables, and water?  Not to mention, $80 for an ordinary meal on an ordinary day…with my kid!  Man, I was fit to be tied!

The lights were low, the piano was playing, and the atmosphere was soothing.  Perfect…if I were on a date.  As I looked around the room, I noticed all the other patrons appeared to be satisfied with their meals.  Then I thought to myself  “this is some bullshuckas!”

The waiter began to ask me what was wrong, if I wanted him to package my food to go, if I wanted to order something else, if I wanted to speak with the manager, if there was anything he could do to make me happy.  As I said before, he was very attentive, the service was excellent, but the food was ter-ri-blah.

I was hawt and I just wanted to get out of there, so I quickly paid the bill.  All the way home, I cursed myself for spending $80 at a restaurant just because I didn’t want to lose out on a $25 coupon that cost me $2.  I’m a certified genius!

It is a very subtle occurrence that is closely related to the “Keeping Up With the Joneses” phenomenon. It happens so quickly that you don’t notice until it’s too late.

First, there’s an initial event…

You earn a promotion or raise at work, receive a windfall, or free up a little cash flow by paying off a lingering debt.

Then, of course, you have to congratulate yourself.  Except, the one time celebration continues.

Feeling the wiggle room, you begin dining out more often and attending more social activities that don’t seem too expensive.

Next thing you know, you’re shopping in more upscale stores because you think you can afford better quality.  Yes, you’ve adopted the mantra that more expensive equals better.  Besides, you  loved _____’s new shoes/handbag/sweater/etc. and you must have one.

Next up is a new car.  You’ve changed your style, so you have to keep up with all other outside appearances.  Actually, you tell yourself you want one because you can “afford” it now.  The truth is, you really can’t, but you think your  college car looks raggedy compared to your friends’ luxury cars.

Now, as you park your brand new car in front of your old apartment, you think your place is a dump, so you decide to redecorate for a new and refreshed look.

After you finish redecorating, you throw a dinner party to show off. By the end of the night, your apartment feels way too small and you hate your neighbors for blasting their strange music all night.  So you make a mental note to begin searching for a bigger place on the better side of town.

Instead of looking for a bigger/better apartment, you find yourself in the car with a Realtor looking at houses because your friends have convinced you that paying rent is a waste of money.  Everyone else owns a home, so you should too.

And the cycle continues…

Are you guilty of lifestyle creep?

I have been and it was a constant internal battle.  Want to know how I fixed my problem?  I found some poor(er than me) friends! LOL!  No, I’m just kidding.  Next post, I’ll explain what I did (and continue to do) to avoid lifestyle creep and maintain self control.

When I moved into my first apartment back in – uh, never mind I’m showing my age – I had no furniture and I was too good for hand-me-down crap.  So I decided to buy my very own bedroom set from this cheap’o place called Furniture Liquidators or something like that.  I settled on the first thing I saw and bought the bed (headboard, rails, and mattress), 1 night stand, and the dresser/mirror for $799.  That was A LOT of money back then and you couldn’t tell me nuthin! Nope, not a word ’cause I was GROWN and planning to sleep like a Queen. Yea!

But you know I didn’t pay cash for it, right?  Heck naw!  I financed that baby using the in house finance company.  The super duper nice finance guy gave me a whole $50 off the sales price AND 6 months of NO PAYMENTS.  Wow, what a deal!  I walked away with a brand spankin’ new bedroom set, a fancy smancy loan with a bunch of legalese terms, a 22% APR, and a payment of only $77/month.  Man, I was psyched!

Wait.  Did I tell y’all I worked at Big Box Retailer for $5.65/hour?  Umm…yea.

I don’t know why I felt like sharing this today.  *shrug*

That is all.

I schedule all of my bill payments through online billpay so that the payments arrive on the absolute last day before incurring a late fee.  For example:

• Rent, no later than the 5th
• Mortgage, no later than the 15th

Ok.  When I set up my bill payments for January, I intended to pay my January mortgage on December 31st because I wanted to claim the extra interest payment tax deduction in 2008.  Silly me paid my RENT on December 31st and scheduled my mortgage payment for January 5th.

*thump on the forehead*

Earlier this week, I was sorting through my old files and trying to find the leather portfolio I usually carry on interviews.  Instead of the newer one, I ran across an old one from my college job fair days.  I hadn’t seen that thing in years (apparently I packed it in a box when I moved LOL) and it sent me on an interesting trip down memory lane.

I found an old resume with very little work experience.  It was literally one page and all of my education was at the top! LOL!  I found some notes from my interview with Merrill Lynch – thank gawd I didn’t get that job!  Back in the day, I wanted to be an investment banker. LOL!  I also found a few business cards, my undergrad transcripts, and a torn piece of paper that was folded in half.  When I finally realized what it was, I couldn’t help but laugh.  The notes said:

Verizon: $82.13 (42.67)

Gas: $91.87 (51.87)

Electric: $33.16

Water: $16.43 (33.00) > 21.43

Rent: $855.00

Car Payment: $410.00 (200.00)

Car Insurance: $60.29 (91.05)

Food: $200

**Past Due Bills**  [these words were also triple circled. ha! -SM]

Sprint: $185

City: $450

Time Warner: $62

Transouth: $700

I have no idea what the numbers in parentheses mean?  Was that the amount past due?  Maybe it was all I could afford to pay?  And what’s up with the extra code next to the “water” amount?  *shrug*

I “wish” my rent was only $855 again!

Why in the johnbrownhayle did I have a $410 car payment?!?!  I don’t even remember that.  Shoot, my Honda Accord, purchased brand new in 2003, was only $380…AND…I had a real job when I bought it!

Only $200 on food?  I miss that.

How did I owe Sprint AND Verizon?  Da hell was I doing?  I was probably a dumbass and co-signed a cell phone contract for one of my deadbeat cousins or something crazy like that.

And who the heck is Transouth and why did I owe them $700?  I even owed the city government $450.  And for what?  An unpaid parking ticket?  How does one owe the city money?  Hmm…no idea.  I bet both of them went into collections.*smh*

As you can see, I’ve made so many money mistakes, I can’t even remember what they were. LOL!  It’s amazing how much can change when you finally decide enough is enough.

But the million dollar question remains -  why was I writing about my bills in a portfolio that I only used when job hunting?  I guess money was tight and I needed some motivation to find a job QUICK. LOL!