Fabulous Financials

I was standing in line at Starbucks and overheard two teenage boys talking about money.  They were both well dressed kids, “looked” smart (cussed like sailors though), and I assume they live in my neighborhood, which is pretty affluent.  So I was surprised by what I heard:

Kid #1: Yo, which colleges are you applying to this year?

Kid #2: (seemed irritated) Man, I told you. I’m not going to college.

Kid #1: I know that’s what you said, but I thought you were just f*cking around ’cause your parents were riding you that day.

Kid #2: No a**hole, I was serious! College is for punks. Besides, I have a job already anyway.

Kid #1: (laughing) Working at Foot Locker?

Kid #2: Yea, so!  Who’s the broke motherf*cker right now? (laughing)

Kid #1: True, true. So how much they pay anyway? I need a job.

Kid #2: I make like $9.75/hour plus commission.  But they start you at like $8 and you can work your way up.

Kid #1: Yo, can hook me up?!

Kid #2: Yea, I’ll talk to my boy.  Broke a**! (punch Kid #1 in arm playfully)

Kid #1: Thanks man, ‘preciate that. (punch Kid #2 in arm playfully)

Kid #2: While you’re in college next year and broke as h*ll, I’ll be making like $12/hour. Then when you finish college, you can come work for me. Be my little b*tch. (laughing and hit Kid #1 in back of head)

Kid #1: (turns to looks at me, then forces a fake laugh)

Kid #2: (steps up to the register and pays for both of their orders)

From that short 5 minute exchange, it was obvious to me that Kid #1 thought Kid #2 was full of sh*t.  Peer pressure is a beast, so I understand why Kid #1 didn’t stand up to Kid #2, although I was hoping he would.  Then again, Kid #1 was freeloading, so that would have been dumb.  But at some point, someone needs to let Kid #2 know that working at Foot Locker is not a long term career plan.  I wonder how Kid #2’s parents are dealing with him, he seems to be a handful.  And I wonder if Kid #2 really thinks $12/hour is a lot of money.

Teenagers!

Well, well, well…I never thought I’d see the day, but one of my closest cousins has finally crossed over to the dark side. [insert the voice of Shug Avery] She’s married now!! And I am very happy for her. It was a lovely ceremony and reception, despite the typical “Single Ma Family” shenanigans. Trust me, my family will have y’all cracking up for days. Such as:

My cousin’s (the bride) response to the minister when he told her to say “for richer or for poorer” – does that mean my four-hundred and one kays (read: 401k) too? *dead*

My male cousin (aspiring song writer) stalking R&B singer, Lil Mo (the groom’s sister), until she finally agreed to listen to his demo tape during the reception. Any picture she was in, he found a way/reason to be included. Can you say groupie at a family affair? LOL

My aunt’s (a chef) response to the bland food that was meant to accommodate all dietary limitations – fugg dis, I got some Lawry’s and Texas Pete in the trunk of my car! Who want some? *can’t breathe*

…and lots more, but this is the kicker: Read more »

My ears are often assaulted by some of the craziest ish I’ve ever heard. I tell ya, sometimes, I wish you all were with me. Not only to hear this crazy ish, but to witness the look on my face (and/or my reaction) when I hear it. So I’ve decided to make “Money Gossip With Single Ma” a regular feature on this blog.

First up…cousin V. Let me set the scene and provide a little back story.

Cousin V and I are related on my father’s side and we pretty much grew up together in Brick City. After my mom uprooted me to the south at age 15/16, I loss touch with that side of my family. Now that we’re all grown up, we’ve tried to reconnect over the years and I’ve recently learned that she’s getting married this month. Yay!

I’m told he’s a very nice gentleman, God fearing, church going, and absolutely adores her. All her words but ok. I assume he has cousin V wide open because I’ve only heard from her 3 times this whole year, which includes the phone call to tell me she was getting married. Hmm…

On Saturday, Single Ma was visiting her rental property for the umpteenth time. Ya know, she’s had her first taste of tenants from hell. Due to unforeseen circumstances, she’s carried the mortgage (and paid rent) for two months with no rental income.

A little agitated by current events, Single Ma is standing on the basement steps and talking to her maintenance guy. He’s just given her a run down of all that he’s had to do over the past 3 weeks and she’s waiting to hear the amount of his total labor bill when they’re interrupted by her cell phone.

*ring ring*

Single Ma: Excuse me for a second please…hello.

Cousin V: Hey cuz, wassup!?!

SM: It’s your world, I’m just a squirrel. ‘Sup with you?

V: Can’t complain. Look cuz, I need a big favor.

SM: *sitting down on the stairs* Ok…

V: I need to borrow $3,000 by Tuesday. I can pay you back…[words are incoherent]

SM: *dumbfounded*

How do you think this conversation ended?