Fabulous Financials

photo credit: PIWO

I read a comment yesterday that made me pause and reflect. The fabulous reader said:

I used to be a very avid reader, but I’ve come to the conclusion that we are in different spots financially so I don’t feel as though I relate to much of what’s said anymore. I’m 29 and single (divorce, actually). Finally moved out on my own (again) about a year ago. I’m still paying off very old debt. My credit is shot because the ex didn’t feel he needed to help make the house payment and, at the time, I was bringing home $1600/mo and our house payment alone was $1100. Needless to say, we were foreclosed on.

The rest of the comment goes on to explain WHY they don’t read my blog [as often] anymore. “We’re so different. We’re not in the same place. I have a bunch of debt. I only earn $xx. Blah, blah, blah…” If you’re interested, the full text of the comment can be found [here].

Why am I highlighting this? Well, for several reasons. I’ve seen similar comments in the past, but I’m not sure if they’re all from the same person. I usually ignore them because I don’t need an announcement if someone doesn’t plan to read my blog anymore - especially when I’ve done nothing wrong. Wait, I don’t need an announcement then either. 9x out of 10, if I’ve said something that made you uncomfortable, I’ll probably say it again. LOL But you are always welcome back. It’s cool. Same goes for this commenter. But I want to openly address the comment, and hopefully, my response will benefit more than one person.

Here are my thoughts for ALL of you:

A BIRD WITH DIFFERENT FEATHERS

You should never avoid someone because they are in a better place than you. In fact, you should gravitate towards people who are BETTER than you. Now I’m not saying *I* am better than any of you, but let me tell you something - knowledge is power and information is priceless. When you associate with others who you “perceive” to be in a different (i.e. better) place, that is prime opportunity to latch on because there is always something you can learn. If you put insecurities aside and hang around long enough, you may become privy to something you wouldn’t have otherwise known and/or feel motivated to improve your circumstances.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: Almost all of my employees are more experienced than me. But guess what? That’s the way it should be! Wanna know why? Because they make ME better. Oh, and they make me look good too. LOL Furthermore, I am in the prime of my career. As a result, I gravitate towards people who have been where I am today. People who can pave the way to make my journey easier. People who can guide me through a rough period. People who will help me avoid costly mistakes. Many of my trusted colleagues are in higher positions and earn at least $20k+ more. They’re in a “different” place than me, but I rely on them to make sure I am continuously improving.

NEW WINGS

When you’re going through the “butterfly” phase - this is when you’re trying to shed the old to bring in the new, then spread your wings to show off your fabulosity - in any area of your life, it’s better to avoid people who are exactly like you. Before any of you start typing a comment to disagree, let me explain. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “misery loves company” and we already know it to be true. So if you’re trying to improve your circumstances, why break bread with others who are in the same predicament? Unless you want to throw a pity party, it’s counterproductive.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: All of my friends are smarter or better than me in some area of life. For example, I live a semi-sedentary lifestyle and I need to lose weight. Subconsciously, I gravitate towards people who exercise and eat healthy. In fact, one of my newest friends is a certified Jazzercise instructor. Not only is she healthy and active, but this chic has more energy than the Energizer Bunny. LOL I can’t keep up, but she influences me daily. Another fat person will have me at McDonald’s eating a heart attack burger with an extra large order of diabetes.

AFRAID TO FLY

To address a latter part of the comment:

You once adviced that I should move to a place where I can get a better job. In a perfect world, I would do that. I would love to do that. But all personal factors involved, it isn’t a reality.

First, Single Ma doesn’t give “advice.” When asked a question, I only share what *I* would do if I were in a similar situation. So I’ll just say this. A 29 year old, divorced, and (I assume) no children. Hmm…if I had a bullshyt stick, I’d throw it at you. There’s no such thing as a “perfect world” and it doesn’t have to be. Regardless of “personal factors,” if you want to improve your circumstances, you would challenge all odds and do whatever is necessary to make changes in your life. YOU create the life you want, not circumstances. However, if you CHOOSE to limit yourself, then that is YOUR decision and you should stop complaining.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: Now I don’t want anyone to read this and think I’m insensitive. I write and speak from experience. When I moved for a better job (the 1st time), I was a single parent with a 9 year old and a dog, no child support, no support system, no friends, closest family member over 400 miles away, and a starting salary that barely covered my basic necessities every month. However, I was able to see the big picture and began creating the life that I envisioned for my family. In MY opinion, financial independence and a comfortable lifestyle are THE most important “personal factors” and nothing, I mean NOTHING (short of a debilitating illness of course), should get in the way.

FAMILIAR WATERING HOLE

If there is someone in your life who makes you comfortable with your circumstances because they are also in debt, or they are also divorced, or they are also struggling to pay their mortgage, or they can “relate” to the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck - BUT they aren’t doing anything to improve their situation - cut ‘em off. I mean it. Snip, snip - effective immediately! When the blind leads the blind, the odds of running into a brick wall is not a bet against the wall.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: I have no desire to associate with people (like me) who think losing weight is too hard. I have no desire to associate with people (like me) who are in the midst of career development. These people can “relate” to where I am - sure - but they can’t help me become a better ME.

FIND A NEW FLOCK

You want to find others who are doing bigger and better things. Surround yourself with people who are where you aspire to be. You won’t miss the old flock. I promise. Debt freedom feels so fabulous, you’ll need the extra room to spread your new wings anyway.

photo credit: udt007us

I don’t know why, but this image made me laugh. A “recession” special? HA HA Two hot dogs and a drink for almost $3? Are you serious? Or is it a “special” because tax is included? Maaan, this is BS! I can buy a pack of hotdogs, hot dog buns, and a 2 liter Dr. Perky for almost $3. LOL

So what’s prompting these ridiculous marketing ploys?

Gas is predicted to be $4 everywhere by this summer. Regular unleaded is over $3.75 where I live. People are responding. I see quite a few walkers and bikers in the morning.

People are losing their homes left and right. Buy a house you can’t afford under normal lending standards and that’s what happens. Not really surprised. Responsible Savvy property owners are responding. Rental prices are going up.

Grocery prices are skyrocketing. Bought any fresh produce, eggs, milk or cheese lately? Rumor has it, there may be a shortage of certain items. Farmer’s are feeling the pinch and nut cases are responding. It has gotten so bad, folks are trying to hoard rice. WTF!

If you want a ‘big picture’ of how economic changes are affecting the average person, the NY Times has a spending graphic that illustrates “All of Inflation’s Little Parts.” There’s no doubt we’re in a recession, but the million dollar question of the day is - how will YOU respond?

Me? I don’t plan to do anything. Fear breeds fear and panic will only make things worse. Therefore, I will continue doing what I’ve already been doing:

• Remain consumer debt free
• Leverage my good credit rating only when absolutely necessary
• Continue to save/invest 20%+ of my earnings
• Maintain my marketable skills and make sure they are current AND competitive
• Establish multiple streams of income
• Create a spend plan to manage my money instead of my money managing me
• Live beneath my means
• Eliminate unnecessary “wants” (i.e. cable, Tivo, landline, iPhone, gadgets, etc.)
• Just say “no” to lifestyle inflation (increase income, maintain standard of living)
• Avoid frivolous purchases
• Practice delayed gratification
• When shopping, hunt for bargains
• Continue driving my fuel efficient, paid for, Honda Accord
• Grocery shop with a list
• Buy generic brands when appropriate

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Now, if I had to, I could downsize my lifestyle and live on next nothing. It wouldn’t be a painful transition either. Been there, done that, not too far removed from it. Take the girl out the ghetto, but the survival skills last a lifetime. LOL!

No seriously, the key is to apply responsible financial habits every day of your life, not in “response” to a crisis situation. I know we can’t control everything, but being “proactive” can reduce the fear and help you make better decisions.

A few weeks ago, a fabulous reader sent me the following message via email and I just wanted to share. It helped me tremendously when I was going through and I have no doubt that this message will help at least one of you. Whether you’re having money problems, marital problems, family problems, work related problems, etc. - facing adversity is life skill that is learned and mastered by successful people.

From the Joel Osteen Ministries “Live Like a Champion Devotionals”…

Anytime God is about to take you to a new level you’re going to face opposition. There will be new battles to fight and new obstacles to overcome. It’s easy to get discouraged and think, “Why is this happening?” But we have to change our thinking and focus on the fact that on the other side of those challenges is a new level of victory—a new level of success.

David would only be known as a shepherd boy if it weren’t for Goliath. David’s enemy became the tool that God used to promote him. And God will do the same in your life today. He’ll use those challenges and difficulties in your life to catapult you towards success!

If you are going through a hard time today, if things look impossible, don’t give up now. Change your perspective and believe that God is working behind the scenes. Put a smile on your face and stand in confidence knowing that you are a child of the Most High God. When all is said and done, you’re not just going to come out of that difficulty, but you’re coming out stronger, wiser, and better than you were before! That problem is going to be the catalyst for God to open supernatural doors of opportunity for you! Stand strong in the Lord today and trust that what the enemy meant for your harm, God will turn around and use to your advantage. He’ll take you places you never dreamed and cause you to rise higher and higher in every area of your life!

Emphasis in bold is mine. As many of you may know, my life hasn’t been a cake walk. But if I tried to tell someone how true those bold statements are by giving personal examples, they probably wouldn’t believe me. By writing this blog, you read my testimony as it occurs. I am a work in progress so I hope you realize the Single Ma of today is not the same Single Ma of yesterday. And with each passing day, I get more fabulous than the last. Now can you imagine what I intend to achieve in the next year? Next 5? 10? 20?

Lawdymercy, y’all aint ready! LOL

Watch/listen to the full “Adversity” video [here].

Over the past 6 months, I’ve met a select few from the blogosphere. Due to a recent experience, I plan to bring that little trend to a halt very quickly. Believe it or not, I’m not a very social person. I’m a natural introvert who prefers a small group of loyal friends vs. numerous associates. In general, I don’t like people. Seriously. I love very few and simply tolerate others. A friend brought that to my attention tonight and I did not hesitate to agree.

Then we took the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator test and my highest score reflected the personality type of an 8. What does it mean to be an 8?

The Asserter (the Eight)

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

• Stand up for yourself… and me.
• Be confident, strong, and direct.
• Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
• Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender,
  vulnerable side.
• Give me space to be alone.
• Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
• I often speak in an assertive way. Don’t automatically assume it’s
  a personal attack.
• When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that’s just
  the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Eight

• being independent and self-reliant
• being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
• being courageous, straightforward, and honest
• getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
• supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
• upholding just causes

What’s Hard About Being a Eight

• overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t
  intend to
• being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence
• sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
• never forgetting injuries or injustices
• putting too much pressure on myself
• getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when
  things don’t go right

Eights as Children Often

• are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
• are sometimes loners
• seize control so they won’t be controlled
• figure out others’ weaknesses
• attack verbally or physically when provoked
• take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest,
  or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents

• are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
• are sometimes overprotective
• can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Wow! There isn’t much I disagree with here.

To know me, you must first understand me. And if you want to understand me, this summary is a pretty accurate description. For those who have gained entry into my personal circle, I love hard and I love long. I will be your #1 cheerleader and the solid rock in your support system. But cross me wrong and I will write you off permanently.  No questions asked.

Now, I’d like to find a personality test that summarizes my financial habits.

My favorite bank, USAA, conducted a teen survey called High School Confidential. The survey revealed that teens learn money management skills from what their parents DO, not what they SAY. *shock* Oh, really!? Some of the other survey results might surprise you:

What Teens Said

86% say parents are more helpful than other sources in teaching them about money.

79% of teens wish they knew more about finances.

50% say their parents discuss spending and saving “all the time” or “fairly often.”

49% believe parents share little to nothing about the family’s finances.

41% say their parents regularly fight about money.

61% say they will become millionaires in their 40s or younger.

21% expect to earn $60,000 or more at their first full-time job.

 

What Parents Said

49% of parents confess that their money management skills range from “OK” to “terrible.”

73% say they discuss finances often.

63% say they reveal information about their own finances with teens “a lot” or a “decent amount.”

13% of parents confess that they either spend money as fast as they can get it or are almost always broke.

23% expect to rely “a decent amount” or “a little” on their child for money when they get older.

The stats are a bit disturbing.  Almost half of the teens said their parents fight about money and many of them expect to earn $60k+ with their first jobs. Wow! Even worse, nearly half of their parents lack confidence in their own money management skills and almost a quarter of them will rely on their children for money when they’re older.

Additionally, 79% of teens wish they knew more about finances and 73% of their parents say they talk about it often. Huh? Can you say major disconnect? This further proves the old adage, action speaks louder than words. From my experience with raising a teen, I’ve learned that lectures fall on deaf ears. However, when I lead by example, BabyGirl is more interested in what I’m doing, she gains a better understanding of the message I’m trying to convey, and she’s more likely to remember and apply the lessons to her own life.

Fabulous Tip: With every decision, your children are watching and learning. If you don’t want them to repeat your money management mistakes, change starts with YOU. Avoid the lectures, make better financial choices and lead by example.

[image credit: jupiterimages.com]