Fabulous Financials

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  Although I spent most of the day relaxing, I also felt very productive.  I needed that extra day to do…just whatever.

BabyGirl and I spent most of the day cooking, eating, and lounging.  While she was selecting her first day of school ensemble, I decided to clean and organize my closet.

Lawd knows, it was long overdue!!

The Purge

After what felt like 2 of the longest hours, ever, I emerged from the rubbish with two 13 gallon trash bags full of clothes and one full of shoes.  Not only was my closet disorderly, but it was full of ’stuff’ that I had not worn in YEARS.  It’s funny how my style has changed.  Some of the crap, I can’t even believe I bought, much less stepped out of the house wearing.  BabyGirl was like “wow ma, you’ve changed.  thank gawd!” LOL!  I took pics (for old times sake), but I’m too embarrassed to show you. LOL!

Old Clothes & Shoes

I separated the bags of clothes between consignment shop contributions and goodwill donations.  As for the shoes, some are still fly, just not my style anymore - loafers, closed toe, low heel, plain, brown, black, etc.  Many were only worn once or twice, so I’ll allow my family and friends to have first dibs before I donate them.

Clothes to Keep

After the purge, I counted 12 suits that I love.  I mean, timeless pieces that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.  As long as they hold up (and I don’t gain any weight), I could wear them forever.  Several others I kept for fill-ins days, better known as bad hair days, aunt flow days, or just don’t feel like being at work days.  I’m sure you understand.

Shoes to Keep

I also counted 50 pairs of shoes left over.  I got rid of bunch because my closet was getting ridiculous.  Shoes were everywhere and the boxes were taking up too much dang space.  I found an old over-the-door shoe rack and used it to store the shoes I wear most often.  All others were placed in their respective boxes and stacked at the top of the closet.  I sorted them based on season, then again based on mood.  When I’m feeling fabulous, my shoe game is fiyah!  I break out the 3″+ with a tailored suit.  On blah days, I stick to lower heeled pumps or maybe even slide-ins.  As a woman, I’m an emotional creature, so my shoes must be versatile.  I’m sure you understand.

My Promise

After everything was neatly put away, I did a quick scan and realized that I have everything I can possibly need - and more.  Therefore, I made a vow to myself and I will also confess it to you.  As of today, 2 September 2008, I promise not to buy anymore clothes, shoes, or accessories (for myself) for the rest of this year.  Four months and I mean it.  No exceptions.  I did it before and I’m about to do it again.

*pinky swear*

This is going to be a difficult 4 months, especially during holiday sales, but I say what I mean and I mean what I say.  Every time I’m tempted to shop (for myself), I’m going to deposit what I would have spent into my new savings account.

photo credit: gospelportals

Gustav, a category 3 Hurricane, is headed directly towards Louisiana’s coastline. First and foremost, I pray that all who live in the storm’s path have evacuated and are safe.  If previous hurricanes have taught us anything, it should be to MOVE when mother nature’s wrath is on its way.  For all others, I hope your family and friends took heed to the warnings.  I’d hate to see a repeat of Katrina.

As for me?  I’m snuggled in bed with my BabyGirl laying next to me.  Yes, she’s home now.  Safe and sound with me, where she belongs.  We talked all night, until about 2am, and shared many things.  I think we both realize how much we take for granted and it’s very obvious that our unconditional love is unwavering.  As I look forward to the next year, and whatever a 16 year old being in the 11th grade may bring, I pray that God reminds me of this moment right before I’m ready to break her neck. LOL!

I plan to spend all day reconnecting with my BabyGirl.  We’re going to cook together, have more girl talk, and watch movies.  Whenever I get my buns out of this bed, I plan to leave the house for ONE thing and one thing only - to fill up my gas tank.  After the damage of a Hurricane, the fuel supply becomes limited.  With limited supply and regular (or higher) demand, well you know what happens next.  Save yourself some money and frustration.  Fill up your gas tanks NOW.

Have you ever had so much going on in your life all at once that you decide to do nothing and just be still? That’s where I am right now. I’ve decided to place myself in a holding pattern.

CAREER

For nearly 7 years, my professional career has been on overdrive, full speed ahead. I began my current career as an Intern with an annual salary of $33,000. Since then, I’ve been promoted, entrusted with progressively complex projects, empowered with limited authority to carry out my responsibilities, and earned a salary increase of more than $10,000 every single year for the past 7 years. Currently, my salary exceeds six figures, my authority is unlimited, and I oversee a staff that manages multi-million dollar projects. Some may think this is amazing progress, but it hasn’t been an easy feat. I’ve worked hard - I mean HARD. I’ve hustled. I’ve networked. I’ve established my professional reputation. On the grind everyday, day after day, non-stop.

But now…I’m tired.

I’ve pushed myself so hard and my career has moved so fast, I can’t continue to live up to the performance that others have come to expect. No, scratch that. I can live up to it, I don’t know if I’m “willing” to live up to it. If I were, I’ve positioned myself perfectly to earn another promotion within a year. It’s so close, I can almost taste it. But I’ve decided that I’m not willing to put in the leg work to make it happen. It’s time to slow down. The salary and responsibilities at the next level are gift wrapped with an inordinate amount of demands that will place a burden on my personal life. As a single mom of a teenager who’s breaking out of her baby shell, I’m not ready to make the necessary sacrifice. However, I will continue to deliver the same quality results where ever my name is associated and I will continue to help my subordinates develop the necessary skills to advance their careers. But for me - just for now - I am going to be still and place my own career in a holding pattern.

PERSONAL FINANCES

I’ve had an interest in personal finance all of my adult life, but I’ve only been blogging about it for 2.5 years. In that short amount of time, I’ve made significant changes/improvements in my own personal finances. I am now non-mortgage debt free. I max out my annual 401k contributions. I max out my annual IRA contributions. I have a fully funded emergency fund. And I’ve recently begun to focus on non-retirement investments. All of my basic financial goals have been met and my saving/investing contributions are on auto pilot.

There’s so much more I can push myself to accomplish, but I am content. I’m quickly learning that owning rental property introduces many financial risks if one is not postured to handle the worst case scenario. So I’ve decided, it’s time to focus on the one thing that could potentially threaten my comfortable financial life. I will continue to make automatic saving and investing contributions, but all excess cash flow will go into the rental property. Which means - just for now - I’m going to be still and place my personal finances in a holding pattern.

BabyGirl & Mr Eye Candy

Since many of you have inquired, I’ve decided to throw in a tidbit about two of the most important people in my life. Sometimes the relationships I have with them seem too good to be true. If I wrote a book, it may be classified as a fairytale. Then, there are other times when we face challenges that make our bed of roses feel like thorns. I’m thankful those times are few and far between, but based on experience, overcoming those challenges have strengthened our bond.

Currently, I’m in a weird place with both of them. Although I’m usually a “fix it” person, I’ve come to realize that everything doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. All relationships have dips in the valley and it’s ok to let the natural process run its course. I will continue to nurture the relationships with the same tender loving care. But I’ve decided - just for now - I’m going to be still and place my two most important personal relationships in a holding pattern.

Lesson Learned

There’s a time for everything. Sometimes it’s YOUR time, sometimes it isn’t. If things seem too difficult, too much to bear, or you can sense a storm on the horizon - hold tight. Try your best to prepare for what’s coming, but don’t take on more than you can handle and get ready to face the inevitable. If you’re lucky, you may avoid it temporarily. But if the challenge was meant to occur, it WILL come full circle again. Sometimes, the best way to manage is to slow down, be still, and place yourself in a holding pattern. This is when the most valuable lessons are learned.

I know this is an unusual post with cryptic details sprinkled throughout, but the intent of the message is from the heart. Take full advantage of your growth period but also recognize and accept when you need to be in a holding pattern.

Image Credit: The Chronicle

photo credit: elmada

The “Keep Up With the Jones’” Fever!

I walked in from work today and BabyGirl ran me over at the door:

BabyGirl: Ma, guess what?!?!?!?!

Single Ma: *grouchy* Dag, can I get in the house first? What?!

BG: [insert neighbor's name] and them have a new flat screen TV…and it’s BIG too! And they have Verizon Vios!

SM: *scrunching my nose* So?

BG: Did you know Vios can make you feel like you’re at the movies???????!!!!! And why don’t we have a flat screen?

SM: *unmoved by her excitement* No, I didn’t know that. And uh, cuz I don’t want a flat screen. What’s wrong with the 32″ in the living room and the 25″ in your bedroom?

BG: *pause to think* Nothing. But mom, you should see it! It’s so cool! I think we should get one too!!

SM: *side eye* How about you ask [insert neighbor's name] if you can watch TV at their house every night.

BG: HA HA HA Mom, I’m serious. Do you wanna go see it??

SM: See what?

BG: Their TV!!! It’s sooooooo BIG and they have, like, 1,000 channels!!!

SM: *gas face* Where’s my child?

BG: *continues to beg me to see the neighbor’s TV*

SM: *change the mental channel to ignore*

After years of implanting financial responsibility, she has finally caught the fever.

Lawd, what I’z g’on do?!?!? LOL

photo credit: PIWO

I read a comment yesterday that made me pause and reflect. The fabulous reader said:

I used to be a very avid reader, but I’ve come to the conclusion that we are in different spots financially so I don’t feel as though I relate to much of what’s said anymore. I’m 29 and single (divorce, actually). Finally moved out on my own (again) about a year ago. I’m still paying off very old debt. My credit is shot because the ex didn’t feel he needed to help make the house payment and, at the time, I was bringing home $1600/mo and our house payment alone was $1100. Needless to say, we were foreclosed on.

The rest of the comment goes on to explain WHY they don’t read my blog [as often] anymore. “We’re so different. We’re not in the same place. I have a bunch of debt. I only earn $xx. Blah, blah, blah…” If you’re interested, the full text of the comment can be found [here].

Why am I highlighting this? Well, for several reasons. I’ve seen similar comments in the past, but I’m not sure if they’re all from the same person. I usually ignore them because I don’t need an announcement if someone doesn’t plan to read my blog anymore - especially when I’ve done nothing wrong. Wait, I don’t need an announcement then either. 9x out of 10, if I’ve said something that made you uncomfortable, I’ll probably say it again. LOL But you are always welcome back. It’s cool. Same goes for this commenter. But I want to openly address the comment, and hopefully, my response will benefit more than one person.

Here are my thoughts for ALL of you:

A BIRD WITH DIFFERENT FEATHERS

You should never avoid someone because they are in a better place than you. In fact, you should gravitate towards people who are BETTER than you. Now I’m not saying *I* am better than any of you, but let me tell you something - knowledge is power and information is priceless. When you associate with others who you “perceive” to be in a different (i.e. better) place, that is prime opportunity to latch on because there is always something you can learn. If you put insecurities aside and hang around long enough, you may become privy to something you wouldn’t have otherwise known and/or feel motivated to improve your circumstances.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: Almost all of my employees are more experienced than me. But guess what? That’s the way it should be! Wanna know why? Because they make ME better. Oh, and they make me look good too. LOL Furthermore, I am in the prime of my career. As a result, I gravitate towards people who have been where I am today. People who can pave the way to make my journey easier. People who can guide me through a rough period. People who will help me avoid costly mistakes. Many of my trusted colleagues are in higher positions and earn at least $20k+ more. They’re in a “different” place than me, but I rely on them to make sure I am continuously improving.

NEW WINGS

When you’re going through the “butterfly” phase - this is when you’re trying to shed the old to bring in the new, then spread your wings to show off your fabulosity - in any area of your life, it’s better to avoid people who are exactly like you. Before any of you start typing a comment to disagree, let me explain. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “misery loves company” and we already know it to be true. So if you’re trying to improve your circumstances, why break bread with others who are in the same predicament? Unless you want to throw a pity party, it’s counterproductive.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: All of my friends are smarter or better than me in some area of life. For example, I live a semi-sedentary lifestyle and I need to lose weight. Subconsciously, I gravitate towards people who exercise and eat healthy. In fact, one of my newest friends is a certified Jazzercise instructor. Not only is she healthy and active, but this chic has more energy than the Energizer Bunny. LOL I can’t keep up, but she influences me daily. Another fat person will have me at McDonald’s eating a heart attack burger with an extra large order of diabetes.

AFRAID TO FLY

To address a latter part of the comment:

You once adviced that I should move to a place where I can get a better job. In a perfect world, I would do that. I would love to do that. But all personal factors involved, it isn’t a reality.

First, Single Ma doesn’t give “advice.” When asked a question, I only share what *I* would do if I were in a similar situation. So I’ll just say this. A 29 year old, divorced, and (I assume) no children. Hmm…if I had a bullshyt stick, I’d throw it at you. There’s no such thing as a “perfect world” and it doesn’t have to be. Regardless of “personal factors,” if you want to improve your circumstances, you would challenge all odds and do whatever is necessary to make changes in your life. YOU create the life you want, not circumstances. However, if you CHOOSE to limit yourself, then that is YOUR decision and you should stop complaining.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: Now I don’t want anyone to read this and think I’m insensitive. I write and speak from experience. When I moved for a better job (the 1st time), I was a single parent with a 9 year old and a dog, no child support, no support system, no friends, closest family member over 400 miles away, and a starting salary that barely covered my basic necessities every month. However, I was able to see the big picture and began creating the life that I envisioned for my family. In MY opinion, financial independence and a comfortable lifestyle are THE most important “personal factors” and nothing, I mean NOTHING (short of a debilitating illness of course), should get in the way.

FAMILIAR WATERING HOLE

If there is someone in your life who makes you comfortable with your circumstances because they are also in debt, or they are also divorced, or they are also struggling to pay their mortgage, or they can “relate” to the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck - BUT they aren’t doing anything to improve their situation - cut ‘em off. I mean it. Snip, snip - effective immediately! When the blind leads the blind, the odds of running into a brick wall is not a bet against the wall.

Single Ma’s Personal Reflection: I have no desire to associate with people (like me) who think losing weight is too hard. I have no desire to associate with people (like me) who are in the midst of career development. These people can “relate” to where I am - sure - but they can’t help me become a better ME.

FIND A NEW FLOCK

You want to find others who are doing bigger and better things. Surround yourself with people who are where you aspire to be. You won’t miss the old flock. I promise. Debt freedom feels so fabulous, you’ll need the extra room to spread your new wings anyway.