Fabulous Financials

This past weekend, a friend and I were talking about things we need want to buy in the near future.  Eventually, it turned into discussion about spending money on things versus experiences.  This is a topic that has been addressed numerous times throughout the personal finance community, so I won’t beat a dead horse.  But it did make me think about the things I own that bring me just as much long term pleasure as my most memorable experiences.

• My Class Ring from Undergrad: It is a white gold ring with my birthstone in the center and two diamonds on each side.  This is the first piece of jewelry I’ve ever owned with real diamonds and I bought it with my own money.  Although I rarely wear it anymore, to me, this ring represents a major turning point in my life.

• My Car – 2004 Honda Accord: I’ve owned several cars in my life, probably 5 or 6.  But this is the first car I ever purchased brand new, picked out the exact specs, negotiated the sales price, maintained according to factory standards, and paid in full.  To me, this car represents my breakthrough into adulthood and financial responsibility.

• My Dooney & Bourke Handbag: This is a designer purse that was a birthday gift from my best girlfriends.  I rarely carry this bag anymore, but I remember the day they surprised me with it.  They came over to my house with a pizza and drinks as if it was a casual visit for lunch.  When I opened the bag, I screamed “OMG, OMG, OMG!!” and jumped all around my kitchen like I was filled with the holy ghost. LOL  We still crack up about it to this day.

• My Daughter’s Bedroom Set: It is a white sleigh bed with a matching night stand and chest of drawers.  It was the first piece of furniture I bought after I purchased our first home and it is probably the best piece of furniture in my entire home.  Although her bedroom is unoccupied at the moment, I expect this furniture to remain in our family for many years.

Of all the “things” I own, these 4 make me smile when I think about them.  They have the same lasting effect as a memory from an experience – perhaps because all of them are associated with a memorable experience.  Regardless of the memory, I’d be really sad if either of them was lost, stolen, or damaged.  So this tells me, it’s ok to buy material things.  Just make sure your hard earned money is spent on things you love that will pay for itself for years to come.

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In December 2005, I started writing this blog to hold myself accountable and to track progress towards achieving my financial goals.  And I thought, by chance…maybe…just maybe, I would inspire someone along the way.

Over the past three years, hundreds of people have emailed me to say I’ve inspired them.  HUNDREDS, I SAY!  That’s pretty impressive, huh?  Although I enjoy reading those emails, words are just words.  Many times, I wonder “What have I inspired you to DO differently?” or “How have your ACTIONS changed as a result of something I shared?”

I already know my story inspires others.  Overcoming odds, any odds, is inspirational.  But rarely does my story drive ACTION.  Anyone who knows me personally or has read my blog for a long time knows that I’m about ACTION.  If you SAY I’ve inspired you, inspired you to DO what?  If you haven’t put your words into ACTION, then that’s all you have…WORDS.  Don’t talk about it, BE about it.

I also know it’s easier said than done for many people.  Trust me, I understand that.  Over the past three years, I’ve also helped readers financially.  I didn’t know them from a can of paint and I’ve paid phone bills, electric bills, after school care bills, payday loans, etc.  I paid the bill/creditor directly – I’m generous, not stupid.  But it doesn’t matter, it’s just money…a temporary band-aid solution for a long term problem.

If sharing my financial story is not inspiring you to DO something to CHANGE your financial situation, then I have failed.  But as soon as I begin to lose interest in blogging, I get the following email from a fabulous reader:

Hi Single Ma

I hope all is well with you and your family.  [info redacted].  I returned to school three years ago and I am graduating this May.  Your blog inspired me and I just wanted to share my story with you.  I already found a job for after graduation and I will be attending graduate school in the fall.  As soon as I am gainfully employed, I will be on my way to financial freedom like you.

Thank you for sharing your stories…

Now this is the type of email I wish I could receive EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!

To give you all a little back history, this reader is a single mom.  She used to blog so I’m not disclosing anything she hasn’t already shared on her blog.  The reader made a very difficult decision to leave her job, relocate, and return to college full time – only after researching a unique educational program that met the needs of her family structure.  The program allowed her the flexibility to work part time while being the sole caregiver for her family and carry a full time courseload.  So for three long years, she did the damn thing!

To my dear reader, THANK YOU for sharing your story with me (us) and CONGRATULATIONS to you and your family!!  I know you’ve treaded a LOOOOOOONG road and it isn’t over yet.  But it will be SO worth it in the end.  You’ve made many sacrifices, but let me tell you something from experience, you will be giving your daughter the greatest gift of all…a lifestyle based on freedom of choice.

Freedom to live without worrying about food, bills, creditors, government assistance, etc.

Freedom to make decisions based on the greatest overall benefit to your family, not an immediate need.

And most importantly, freedom to pass on generational wealth: knowledge, experience, life lessons, and a comfortable financial foundation.

Congrats again and good luck with your new job and grad school!

Today is the last day of my no shopping strike!!  Woo wee!!  Yay!!  Yippee!!

*jumping up and down*

*2 somersaults*

*1 back flip*

*doing the running man*

[stop. straighten clothes and compose myself]

Ahem…

For those who don’t know, I’ve been on a no shopping strike since early September and good lawd was it hard.  Four long months of NO new clothes, shoes, or accessories…oh my!  For a person who views shopping as a sport form of entertainment part of her livelihood necessity, not being able to shop is like having no air.  Those after Christmas sales were calling my name.  Pure torture!  Wooo weeee!  Lawd, y’all shoulda seen’t me sweatin’!  I had the shakes ‘n shyt! LOL!

Side Note: y’all remember Gator from Jungle Fever?  [ffwd 2:27] *dancing and singing*  “I’ll do it, I’ll do it, you know I’ll do it.”  Man, that was me!  Funny as hayle!

Anyhoo, for a minute, BabyGirl was a little concerned.  She said “ma, what’s the purpose of your shopping strike?  you have money, just buy what you want.”  And my eyes lit up like she was Gator’s brother giving me $20 to buy a pair of shoes! LMAO!  Lawd, I was a mess! LOL  But if any of you are wondering, like BabyGirl, “why in the world was she doing that anyway?” – I’ll tell you.  It all began because I had too much crap in my closet, but the past few months have taught me three very important lessons:

1. How to Prioritize My Discretionary Spending

If I were able to shop between September and December, I would have spent every extra dollar (excluding bills and savings) on clothes and shoes.  However, I was forced to consider other things that turned out to be a better use of my time AND money.  For example, instead of shopping, my mother/daughter days with BabyGirl were spent at museums, theaters (live plays, not movies), skating rink, making Christmas gifts, scrapbooking, etc.  These monthly activities helped us bond and create new memories that will last a lifetime – not accumulate stuff that will lose its luster in a season.

During my strike, I learned that shopping should be a planned activity, not on a whim or form of entertainment.

2. Delayed Gratification

I know this one is cliche’, but let me explain.  At least once a week (or more), I’d see something I wanted to buy.  By the end of the next week, my sights were set on new things and I’d forget what the other things were.  That should tell you how badly I wanted them, right?  Whenever I’d see something I really wanted, I’d write it down or book mark the webpage.  Then guess what?  A little while later, I’d see it again at a lower price or find something similar, but better!  Maaaaaaaaan, do you know how mad I would have been if I bought it at first sight?

During my strike, I learned to apply the theory of delayed gratification: make note of what I want, wait a little while, and if I still want it after the “grazing” period, buy it without remorse.

3.  How to Shop in My Own Closet

Unable to buy new goodies, I had to settle for what I already owned.  And guess what?  I had pieces with the tags still on them!  Things I bought months ago but never found the perfect shirt, shoes, scarf, jewelry, etc to wear with it.  So there it sat…in my closet like a bench warmer with no game.  With inspiration from these fabulous budget conscious fashion bloggers, I began to create ensembles that I never would have thought of on my own.  And they turned out fab!

During my strike, I learned to pair unusual pieces for a whole new look.

Those three lessons took months to learn, but they will last a lifetime. Now, many people assume I will go on a shopping spree to make up for lost time.  Well I’ve got news for you.  There were many things I wanted during the strike, but only a few remain on my wish list:

• Reversible black/brown leather belt (Nine West or Anne Klein)
• Silk scarf with shades of purple
• Black pumps for interviewing
• Two crisp white button downs
• Hat, scarf, and gloves to complement my new coat

These are small and practical.  I may get them all at once or only if I find them on sale.  But thanks to the four month exercise, my brain is not overloaded with the urge to shop.

*happy dance*

BabyGirl just learned a really hard lesson.  One of many more to come, I’m sure.

After spending two years and thousands of dollars on Orthodontia care, she was directed by the doctor to wear her retainers (top and bottom) everyday, all day for two weeks.  After two weeks, both were to be worn during sleeping hours only but for the entire summer.  For good measure and extra protection, the ortho also gave her a night guard (bottom), which is made of a harder resin, because he knew 1) she was a night time grinder and 2) if there were any problems, he wouldn’t see her for at least two months.  If all went well, and after summer was over, she would only need to wear the night guard (bottom) during sleeping hours.

Simple instructions:

2 weeks: both retainers all day

Rest of summer: both retainers at night

Forever: night guard (bottom) at night

Simple process to follow:

Contacts out, retainer in.

Retainers out, contacts in.

She’s blind as a bat without her contacts (almost -4.00 in both eyes), so we thought this would be easy enough.  But noooooooo…

Ms. Thing goes away for the entire summer and does NOT wear her retainers, per doctor instructions.  The reason excuse?  Either “she forgot” or it was “too hard to talk” when she wore them.  After hearing this, I wanted to say “you should have tied a string on ya right finger or just be quiet all day!” but of course, I didn’t say that.  You know…being the loving, caring, and patient mom that I am. *cough*  As the summer progressed, she stopped wearing them COMPLETELY.  You think my mother made her wear them?  Nope!  Well, guess what happens when braces are removed and you don’t wear your retainers?

YOUR TEETH SHIFT!!!

As a night time grinder, her bottom teeth pushed against her top teeth.  As a result, the two top teeth – yep the ones in the very front – are pushing outward and one is turning inward.  Can you say, U-G and L-Y?  But you know what?  They aren’t MY teeth, so I don’t care.  HOWEVER – the thought of thousands of dollars gone down the drain pissed me off!!  So I made her wear both retainers again – ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.

Problem is, the retainers were made from a mold when her teeth were in perfect position.  Now it hurts and she cries.  Other than giving her a few Motrin and telling her to stop the whining, think I care?  Hmm…I’ll let you guess.  Told ya I was a loving, caring, and patient mom.  LOL!

After a week of “but maaaaa, it huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurts” I finally took her BACK to the orthodontist.  By the way, this visit required me to take time off work during the busiest season of the year.  When the ortho walked in, he said “BabyGirl, I won’t ask if you’ve worn your retainers this summer because teeth don’t lie.”  She slumped in the chair and pouted like WE did something wrong.  Hmph!  After his examination, he told us we had two options:

• Braces go back on.
• A corrective retainer.

The first option would have cost me a grip, so I chose door #2.  They had to take another mold, then send it to a lab to be “corrected” based on previous xrays and pictures.  After two weeks and MORE time off work during the busiest season of the year, we had a new retainer – this one is called a corrective something ‘nother – with a bracket (not a wire, a freakin bracket!) at the top and it is supposed to move the crooked teeth back into place within 6 weeks.  That is, IF she wears it all day, then combined with the nightguard at night.

The part that connects with the roof of her mouth is purple, her favorite color, it glows in the dark, and has Hello Kitty on the top.  WTF!!  This is what she wanted, I suppose. *shrug*

TOTAL COST: $238

And guess where the money is coming from?

BABYGIRL’S PERSONAL SAVINGS ACCOUNT!!

Now she’s mad. *scratching my head*

She said she has a savings goal of $1,000 by the end of the school year and I’m “taking advantage of her.”  HA HA HA HA  Teenagers are so self absorbed! LOL

I told her, sorry I’m not the government, I don’t do bailouts.  You got your azz in this mess, you get your azz out.  But for some reason, she didn’t find that funny.  Hmm…I wonder why.  I thought my timing was perfect and it was hilarious…to me! LOL!

I know…I’m such a loving, caring, and patient mom.

Sue me.

Yesterday was a beautiful day.  Although I spent most of the day relaxing, I also felt very productive.  I needed that extra day to do…just whatever.

BabyGirl and I spent most of the day cooking, eating, and lounging.  While she was selecting her first day of school ensemble, I decided to clean and organize my closet.

Lawd knows, it was long overdue!!

The Purge

After what felt like 2 of the longest hours, ever, I emerged from the rubbish with two 13 gallon trash bags full of clothes and one full of shoes.  Not only was my closet disorderly, but it was full of ’stuff’ that I had not worn in YEARS.  It’s funny how my style has changed.  Some of the crap, I can’t even believe I bought, much less stepped out of the house wearing.  BabyGirl was like “wow ma, you’ve changed.  thank gawd!” LOL!  I took pics (for old times sake), but I’m too embarrassed to show you. LOL!

Old Clothes & Shoes

I separated the bags of clothes between consignment shop contributions and goodwill donations.  As for the shoes, some are still fly, just not my style anymore – loafers, closed toe, low heel, plain, brown, black, etc.  Many were only worn once or twice, so I’ll allow my family and friends to have first dibs before I donate them.

Clothes to Keep

After the purge, I counted 12 suits that I love.  I mean, timeless pieces that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.  As long as they hold up (and I don’t gain any weight), I could wear them forever.  Several others I kept for fill-ins days, better known as bad hair days, aunt flow days, or just don’t feel like being at work days.  I’m sure you understand.

Shoes to Keep

I also counted 50 pairs of shoes left over.  I got rid of bunch because my closet was getting ridiculous.  Shoes were everywhere and the boxes were taking up too much dang space.  I found an old over-the-door shoe rack and used it to store the shoes I wear most often.  All others were placed in their respective boxes and stacked at the top of the closet.  I sorted them based on season, then again based on mood.  When I’m feeling fabulous, my shoe game is fiyah!  I break out the 3″+ with a tailored suit.  On blah days, I stick to lower heeled pumps or maybe even slide-ins.  As a woman, I’m an emotional creature, so my shoes must be versatile.  I’m sure you understand.

My Promise

After everything was neatly put away, I did a quick scan and realized that I have everything I can possibly need – and more.  Therefore, I made a vow to myself and I will also confess it to you.  As of today, 2 September 2008, I promise not to buy anymore clothes, shoes, or accessories (for myself) for the rest of this year.  Four months and I mean it.  No exceptions.  I did it before and I’m about to do it again.

*pinky swear*

This is going to be a difficult 4 months, especially during holiday sales, but I say what I mean and I mean what I say.  Every time I’m tempted to shop (for myself), I’m going to deposit what I would have spent into my new savings account.