So I went grocery shopping today, right. I’m in, out, 40 minutes tops. Spent $103 on one week’s worth of groceries. Da hell? Yea, I thought the same thing. But this post isn’t about how much I spent on groceries. I need to tell y’all what happened as I was leaving the grocery store.
So there I am, minding my own business. Doody doo…people watching, checking out my surroundings, and looking for my car. Then, as soon as I was about to push my cart down that little ramp thingy, here comes FOUR little pip squeaks in uniform.
“Hello ma’am, would you like to buy some popcorn!?!” they all asked in unison.
First of all, I hate it when little people call me “ma’am” cuz, you know, I’m not that old. But I guess they don’t recognize FABULOUS when they see it. LOL So I responded, “What kind? Do you have kettle corn?”
“We sure do!” the biggest one yelled - and a little too loud for my preference. The other three scurried off to grab me a box of kettle corn. When they returned, the big one started stuffing the box into the cart with the rest of my groceries. I’m thinking, “look at this lil mofo…”
“Hold on there for a minute. May I see the box please?” I asked and laughed at his forcefulness.
He looked at me like “what for” and I gave him the “don’t fugg with me” eye, so he handed me the box and I inspected the package. You know, can never be too sure. Kids these days are hustlers. So of course, my next question was “how much is it?”
You would think I asked them who was going to be the next president of the United States. They all looked at each other like “how the hell am I supposed to know.”
So I looked around to see if I could find the adults responsible for this hustle. And guess where they were? Posted up on bar stools behind a table! Damn shame, they got their kids out here pimping and pushing drug popcorn deals while they’re chilling on the sidelines. So I walked over and politely asked, “ma’am (ok sue me, she was kinda old), I’d love to support your children but I’d like to know the prices.”
Ms. Thing stood up to get a better look at what I was holding in my hand and said, “ooooh, you like the kettle corn, huh? That’s a GREAT choice. The price for kettle corn is…she paused to look over her little signs…$18.”
[and the music stops]
I’m thinking, “did this heffa just say $18 for a box of popcorn?” So I held up the box to see if it was anything special. *looking at it extra close*
Thinking, “nope, looks like the same Orville Redenbacher on aisle 9.”
Let me summarize for you: one box, 15 individual packs, $18.
So I said to her, half joking, half serious, “wow, the price of popcorn sure has gone up lately!”
She gave me an apologetic look, but didn’t say anything. I guess that was the boys’ cue.
The smallest one stepped up to me and he said, “but ma’am (their mamas should really teach them better lol), it’s for our cub scouts. If we raise $xx, we’ll get to go to xxx. And did you know your donation is tax deductible?” with a big ass cheesy grin.
Impressed by his little sales pitch, but not impressed enough to fork over $18 for a box of kettle corn. Hmph! As I was parting my lips to say “no thanks,” the biggest one stepped up to me - again. I don’t know if he was giving me a sad face or a mean mugg, but his cheeks were so fat, I couldn’t tell. So I laughed at him…then walked away and headed towards my car.
But not until I gave them my $18.
What? It was four of them and one of me! LOL!
Besides, Single Ma loves the kids! LOL!
