Why I Do Not Intend to Pay For My Daughter’s College Education
Edit Again: Due to the interesting discussion going on in the comments, I wanted to add a reader poll. Please vote if you can. K’thanks!
Get your own Poll!
My last post was about going against the grain, so I wasn’t surprised to see this reader’s question in response to my statement, “I do not intend to pay for my daughter’s college education.” Here’s the Q&A (reader comments in bold):“How do you anticipate your daughter paying for college?”
Hmm, let’s see…
1) Excelling in school by taking advanced placement courses for college credit,
2) Choosing to attend an affordable college,
3) Hard work through academics, athletics, music, leadership activities, and community service to earn scholarships,
…and/or, the same way I did it.
4) Working part time during the semester and full time during the summer,
5) Financial aid (if she’s eligible), and
6) Student loans
In my opinion, paying for college is NOT a parental requirement nor is it my responsibility. However, it IS my responsibility to raise my daughter to become an independent, responsible adult. By the time she is college-age, she will have learned to be responsible for her own choices (i.e. the choices she make today will affect her ability to earn scholarships tomorrow, the college she chooses to attend will determine how much money is needed, the major/career path she chooses will affect her ability to repay student loans, and so on…). In addition, by example, I have shown her that independence and hard work will make the end result more rewarding. Attending college on her own sweat and tears will build character and make her college experience that much more valuable.
“My parents paid for my college…and it was a gift that I didn’t fully appreciate then…”
See what I mean.
Now I’m not saying I will throw my child to the wolves and make her fend for herself. She has a 529 account, but I contribute very little and it’s invested very conservatively. When she gets her first job at 16, I’ll also open a Roth, but it won’t be much. Therefore, I will help her with small amounts as needed, but I have no plans to increase either contribution with hopes of paying for tuition and room/board at an Ivy League college or private HBCU (only options she’s mentioned lately).
I may help her pay for books and student fees, fill in the tuition gap if she’s short a few thousand dollars, provide transportation back/forth home, and maybe even help fund a trip abroad. When she completes college, I’ll also help her buy a house. I’ll help her pay for her wedding. I’ll even help her raise my grandchildren (if she needs me). Wait, I take that last one back. In three more years, I’m done raising children! LOL But the operative word is help - and please believe - she WILL work her azz off because mama aint giving out any free rides.
“Have you discussed it with your daughter?…would love to know her thoughts.”
First of all, she isn’t an adult with voting rights, so I don’t have to “discuss” my decisions with her. Especially if you mean “discuss” in the sense of having a lengthy conversation to examine my intent and allow feedback or rebuttal - absolutely not. I have TOLD her what my plans are and she KNOWS it is HER responsibility to pay for college. As far as I’m concerned, her “thoughts” are irrelevant. Sorry if this came out harsh, but I’ve made a decision and it is what it is.
“…the cost of college is so MUCH more now than when I went 20+ years ago, it’s frightening!”
Yea and…so is everything else. It’s called inflation. Prescription medication is at an all time high too. Medical care is so expensive, most Americans are forced to go without. And food, and housing, etc, etc. — my point is, I’d rather save for my own retirement and plan for my own future than carry her for 4-5 more years. If I were wealthy and had more money than I knew what to do with - sure. But I’m not. Therefore, I have to prioritize my money. So choosing between funding my retirement and funding my daughter’s college education - I choose my retirement. Selfish? It depends on your perspective.
The same way you appreciate your parents’ decision to fund your college education, I’m sure my daughter will appreciate my decision as well. If I do not adequately plan for my own retirement, I will be a burden to her family because she will have to take care of me. And to be quite frank, carrying the financial burden of college when you’re 20-something is MUCH lighter than carrying the financial, emotional, and time-commitment burden of being the sole provider (no siblings) for a senior parent when you have a husband, children and other obligations of your own.
If she reads this post in 40 years, THEN she can share her “thoughts” with you.
ETA: I don’t expect anyone to agree with my decision OR my parenting style. Per the intent of the post that initiated this discussion, do what works for YOU.
