Fabulous Financials & Fitness

Almost 50% of my work day is comprised of meetings.  As much as I hate meetings, strategic planning and tracking/reporting metrics are part of what I do and I love it.  However, problems arise when meetings have snacks.  And my meetings always have A LOT OF SNACKS!! Ugh!  I’ve tried, and tried again, to adjust MY behavior to ensure that my daily nutrition is not compromised.  But I seem to be fighting a losing battle.  Here’s what has happened to me in the past few weeks:

Meeting #1:

This was supposed to be a short meeting. Lucky for me, I walked in a little late so I was hoping to return to my office fairly quickly.  The moment I hit the door, I smelled the aroma.  Donuts! Krispy Kreme! *faint* Danishes!  Bagels! Jelly! Cream cheese! Oh my!  I was completely caught off guard.  Everyone offered me something, but I graciously declined.  Barely able to focus on the conversation, I drank so much water to keep from eating that I had to excuse myself 3 times for the ladies’ room.  Unfortunately, this “short” meeting turned into 1.5 hours.  I was miserable!

Meeting #2:

Determined to be more prepared, I approached this meeting with a little ammunition.  I had my grapes, a clementine, and my water bottle.  Unfortunately, this meeting unexpectedly turned into a working lunch so the EA ordered sandwiches, chips, cookies, and sodas from Panera. *roll my eyes*  Where’s the soup or salad and water bottles?  I refused to eat those sandwiches on thick white bread, laden with mayonnaise and various cheeses.  And I sure wasn’t going to eat chips (they were baked but so what), cookies (mouth watering looking cookies might I add), and liquid calories (a la soda).  So halfway through the meeting, I had to excuse myself to heat up my lunch.  Everyone looked at me as if I had three heads but gave their condolences (yes, they were genuinely sad for me LOL) while they chomped away at their goodies.

Meeting #3 & #4:

A repeat of meeting #2, except I gave in to the pressure and indulged on some of the offerings.  At one meeting, I ate a piece of dark chocolate.  At another meeting, I ate a blueberry muffin.   Why are these meetings so full of sugar, salt, carbs, fat, and calories? Where are the fruit, veggies, and water bottles!

Meeting #5:

I had a meeting that began at 1pm, but I had to leave my office by 12pm in order to make it there on time.  Armed with a few lessons learned, I called myself trying to be smart this time.  I usually eat lunch between 12-1pm, but I decided to eat lunch around 11:30am so I wouldn’t be tempted to indulge in the meeting goodies.  As expected, I arrived and saw a tray full of donuts, cookies, and coffee.  For heaven’s sake!  Does anyone care about what they eat around here????  Said the reformed sugar addict who would normally grab two cookies before taking her seat.  I resisted the goodies, which surprisingly, was much easier than my previous encounters.  I drank water throughout the meeting and had no cravings at all.  Yay, my plan worked!!!  Until…

By the time I returned to my office, it was a little after 3pm.  Because I’ve trained my body to eat every 3 hours, I was starving!  So I had my afternoon snack, which I usually eat between 4-5pm to hold me over until I get home.  The problem?  I don’t leave work until 6:30-7pm, I was hungry again by 6pm, and all the healthy food that I brought from home was GONE! Ugh!  I had to eat something, otherwise my sugar levels would drop too low and I’d begin craving sweets/junk food.

What did I do?  I went to the break room – the room I try to avoid like the plague – and took a deep breath.  I approached the vending machine and just stood there like it was a Wild Wild West standoff.  Vending machine in this corner.  SM in that corner.  Who’s going to win the staring contest?!?! LOL!  Finally, I bought the ONLY thing that looked somewhat appealing and not too threatening to my waist line.  A bag of Chex Mix – 1.75 oz for $1.00.  They were pretty tasty.  Not filling, but tasty…and loaded with 210 calories, of which 70 were from fat.  Not terrible, but it wasn’t part of my nutrition plan for the day.

Junk food: 3

Single Ma: 2

*sigh*

I have no meetings today…thank God!  But I’m traveling to two states next week and I must figure out something before these meetings reverse all of my hard work!

We often talk about work/life balance in terms of having a successful career, as well as quality time with loved ones to enjoy the fruits of our labor.  Many people think if you focus on your career, then you have to work all the time with no personal life.  Or conversely, if family is your number one priority, then you’ll never get ahead in your career.  The either/or mentality makes it difficult to find a happy median.

In the world of personal finance, there’s a similar challenge – goal/life balance.  Many people associate financial goals with giving up something of pleasure to reduce expenses – no more eating out, shopping, video games, books, electronics, etc.  Or conversely, if you enjoy life, it is assumed that you spend frivolously and incur debt.  Again, the either/or mentality makes it difficult to find a happy median.

But you know what?  Single Ma wants it all!  Work/Life balance and Goal/Life balance.  I’ll admit, both are difficult to achieve, but they are not impossible if you have realistic expectations, set boundaries, and exercise discipline.  I’ll give you an example of how I try to manage them all:

THE GOAL

Back in April, I mentioned that I wanted to save $50,000 in cash.  At the time, I only had $36,600, but I wondered if I could reach $50,000 by the end of the year.  In May, I decided that I didn’t want to be too restrictive with my finances because I had a lot of expenses planned for the year.  As a compromise, I settled on a target date for next summer.  Since then, I hadn’t thought much about the $50,000 personal challenge.  I didn’t give up or lose sight of it.  I just figured next summer was a more realistic target and continued saving as usual.

WORK

I’m a single parent and I work a full time (40 50+ hr) job.  When I’m at work, I give 110% and I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at what I do, but my child always comes first.  When work demands conflict with my #1 job,  there is no debate – I’m gone.  Not only do I leave work when there’s a problem or she’s sick, I take vacations to spend time with family, I attend her school functions and P/T conferences, and I work a flex schedule that allows me to volunteer at her school on Fridays.  The BB may be buzzing the whole time and I do work from home occasionally, but my boss is aware of my boundaries.  I may never run a company while I still have a minor at home, but I am happy with my career progression to date.

LIFE

While I was working hard and saving hard, I also enjoyed a normal life.  I went on an extended weekend beach trip with my family and a cruise to the Bahamas with my girlfriends.  I also participated in Spa Week (pampered myself with luxurious warm stone goodness) and Free Night of Theater (saw Of Mice and Men performed on stage).  I did a little shopping and some volunteering, attended Shecky’s Girl’s Night Out, saw a few movies, ate out a lot, suffered 16 weeks of abuse by my personal trainer, maintained our monthly Mother/Daughter Day, and paid for BabyGirl to attend an overnight writing camp for 2 weeks, professional driving lessons, an 8 week SAT test prep course, and numerous senior year expenses.  Sheesh! $$$$$$!

BALANCE

Although I have strong boundaries at work, my dedication has paid off with a recent promotion and higher salary.  This, in turn, makes it possible to achieve my financial goals and enjoy a full life.  However, more money doesn’t automatically make everything easy nor does the progress happen on its own.  Balance, of any kind, requires discipline.  When I earn a promotion, I do not immediately begin to spend more money just because I have more money.  I may indulge on a few things after I’ve planned for it, but for the most part, I want to avoid lifestyle creep.  So I took the salary difference and increased my savings.

Now guess what?

After reviewing my expense spreadsheet, I noticed that I’m only $2,965 away from my $50,000 personal challenge.  With four paychecks left in the year and another month of accrued interest, it looks like I will reach $50,000 by December after all. Woo-hoo!

Yesterday was my last day on the J-O-B.  It wasn’t bitter; it wasn’t sweet.  IT FELT GREAT!  I can’t believe I’m about to begin a new phase in my career that most people didn’t think was possible.  As you advance above your peers, you learn who your real friends and trusted colleagues are.  I just shake my head and laugh at all others. “No time for fake ones…”  LOL!

I haven’t played the game for long, but I’m a damn good study!  And I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me.

It’s going to be FABULOUS!

I have not achieved my level of career success by running a one man show.  Although I’d like to believe that I’m the greatest [insert my title] that has ever lived, but the truth is, I’ve received assistance – a lot of it – from people whom I respect and admire.  Sometimes it was offered, but most of the time I asked.  And 90% of the time, I received what I needed.

It takes a lot of courage to approach someone you respect and admire.  It takes even more courage to ask them to do something for you. You may assume the person is extremely busy and will never have time to help little ol’ you.  But don’t worry.  They’ve been in your shoes before, so they understand. However, when you are ready to ask them for assistance, DO NOT EVER:

• apologize for approaching them; or
• ask them for assistance without providing all of the information they need

Why? Because it’s just dumb!

The first offense is akin to saying “I’m not worthy of your time, but I’m going to waste it anyway.”  It also tells the person that you lack confidence.

The second offense is akin to asking “can I ask you a question?” *blank stare* It requires the person to respond to your question with a question.

See what I mean…dumb!

If you were afraid of wasting their time, good for you because you just did.

If you’re guilty of the above, here’s what I’d recommend next time.

If the person doesn’t know you, introduce yourself as quickly as possible – make a personal connection – two sentences or less.  Assuming the person already knows you, after standard salutations, get straight to the point of your request. There is no need to waste an entire paragraph with compliments about how well they walk on water.  If they are as good as you think they are, trust me, they already know it.  And give them everything they need to do whatever it is you are requesting.  For example…

Good Morning XX

Congratulations on getting the xx account!  I’m a xx in the xx Division and I’ve been following your accomplishments through our xx newsletter.

The purpose of this email is to request your assistance on xx. When you have a moment, will you please xx? Attached is the xx and the point of contact for the xx is xx. If you have any questions or would like to discuss, I can be reached at [phone number] or [email address].

Thank you very much,  I appreciate your time.

Again, congratulations!

XX

Simple.

Most people who are at the top of their game are action oriented.  They skim written information to seek out the main point, they have an intuitive “BS” filter, and they zero in on important details that require action.  With a clear, concise, and well defined request, you will increase the odds, exponentially, of getting the response you desire.  Even if they are busy, you’ll be surprised at how quickly a multi-tasker will find the time to help you.

On the other hand, there are times I have not provided assistance because:

• The request (voice mail, email, letter, etc.) was too long.
• I didn’t understand what they were asking me to do.
• They didn’t provide enough information for me to do it.
• They didn’t provided their contact information or only provided one source that was inconvenient for me.
• I didn’t like the person because they were not sincere/genuine.
• Very rarely – they were asking for too much and I didn’t have time.

Or one of my personal pet peeves and final piece of advice – when you finally get a response to your request, no matter how long it took them to respond, DO NOT EVER allow more than 24 hours to pass before you acknowledge their response and/or express appreciation.  To do so is just rude!  It also tells the person, the time they spent helping you could have been spent doing better things. As a result, you’ve just secured yourself a permanent position on the ignore list in their mental rolodex.

I’ve had relative career success over the years. In less than a decade, I’ve advanced from an intern to upper management – from a cubicle to the ivory towers – from a salary in the low $30s to well over six figures. My career path has not been without a few missteps, but I’ve managed to land firm on my feet.

I’d like to attribute my success to skill, but it was a combination of skill, timing, opportunities, and support. I’d also like to paint a rosy picture of my career progression, but that wouldn’t be accurate either. I’d be the first to tell you, rapid career advancement is not for the faint at heart. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side and more money isn’t the only solution to job satisfaction. In fact, I deal with more issues now than I’ve ever imagined.

What are some of those issues, you may be wondering?  Well I’ll tell you the top three that make me wish I had glaucoma! (if you don’t get it, don’t ask):

Being The Odd Ball: I work in a field where women occupy the lower levels, but high heels become extinct as your eyes scan the top of the org chart.  In other words, a male dominated field…and I’m a triple threat to their BIG egos!  Not only am I a woman, but I’m a black woman on the left side of her 30s.  As a result, I’m either the only female in the room, the only person of color in the room, or the youngest person in the room.  If this happened occasionally, I’d be fine, but it’s the norm – almost to the point that when I see another woman, person of color, or young professional in the same meeting – I want to instantly become new BFFs.

Proving Myself: Because of the above, a new colleague may have very low expectations of me.  I’m often overlooked, assumed to be the executive assistant, or my opinion is disregarded because “I haven’t been around long enough.”  Give me a dollar for every time I’ve heard that phrase and I can feed all the hungry children in Africa.  As any person who welcomes a challenge, I follow the adage “I can show you better than I can tell you.”  So I find myself giving 120% when all others may give only 50-75%.  I’m usually the one thinking outside the box for innovative ideas, going against the grain of status quo, or successfully implementing solutions that don’t typically fit the political mold.  With every new  job, assignment, or project, I feel as if I have to overcompensate due to my gender, skin color, or limited years on earth.  Although this has served me well in my career, it is exhausting.

Validation & Verification: I wish I could say it stopped after proving myself.  Oh no!  Before one of my hair brained brilliant ideas is accepted, it has to be co-signed by “one of the boys.”  Almost everything I say is second guessed or questioned until someone else validates it.  Unlike my colleagues, every move I make has to be explained and supported to the nth degree.  I have to make sure that I dot every “I” and cross every “T”, be aware of every possible known risk, propose a mitigation strategy if the risk can not be eliminated, anticipate any opposing arguments, defend my views, and after they finish grinding my ass every. single. day, I’m expected to drink and schmooze with “the boys” to minimize any appearance of the “angry black woman” stereotype.

*insert big neck popping, eye roll with three snaps in a Z*

Some may think, despite my rapid career advancement, I’d have to deal with many of these issues in the workplace anyway due to my gender and/or race.  This is probably true.  But the experience has taught me to stand up for what I believe, walk the fine line between assertive and aggressive, be persuasive, and not run away crying like a little bitch girl when under pressure.  I’m thankful for gaining those skills early in my career.

Despite the great salary, the daily issues are still annoying.  I love what I do, but I often reminisce about the stress free days spent in a cubicle and barely making ends meet.