Fabulous Financials & Fitness

I had a conversation with a trusted friend about BabyGirl’s college expenses.  I was hemming and hawing and complaining about everything under the sun explaining to him that if BG didn’t get a (at minimum, partial) scholarship to attend her #1 school of choice, we may have to resort to a state school due to limited funding.  After our conversation, he made me realize something I had not considered.  First, he asked…

“How much is the est annual cost to attend her #1 school of choice?”

“Umm…about $25-30k per year, all considered.” I rattled off the number very slowly for emphasis.

“So…how much were you earning just a few months ago?” he continued.

“$xk” I said matter-of-factly because he knew how much I earned at my last job.

“Aaaand…how much do you earn now – at your new gig?” he asked with a smirk on his face, as if he was making a point.

“About $20k more…” I said and rolled my eyes because I saw where he was going with this.

“Single Ma, I know I don’t need me to tell you this, but don’t block your blessings. Let BG go to the school of her choice. God has already made it possible for you, kiddo.” he lectured, then pat me on the head as if he was The Old Wise one now.

“Hmm…I see your point.  But if she gets down there and starts acting a fool, I might have to roll up on that campus in my hair rollers, scarf, housecoat, and bedroom slippers!” I responded with a slight laugh, although I was more serious than I let on.

“Well if she isn’t maintaining her grades or running behind some hoodrat, then you have every right to bust a cap…I mean cut her off. LOL  I’m just saying…let her go.  God has already made a way so you don’t have to worry about where you’ll get the money.  You know education is important…it changed your life.  Now invest in your daughter’s future.” he said to me with a very serious look on his face.

“Yea, you may be right…I’ll think about it.” I said, then exhaled a big ole’ sigh.

So here I am, thinking about allowing my BabyGirl to attend the #1 school of her choice, regardless of the financial outcome.  Maybe God has prepared me for this moment.  I have no debt (except mortgage), about $50k in cash, another $10k in non-retirement investments, and enough disposable income to take on a second mortgage college tuition bill.

Funny.  God knows what you need before you even ask Him. (Matthew 6:8)

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After an intense 8 week prep course, BabyGirl took the SAT a second time and improved her scores by 110 points.  Most of the improvement was on the writing portion, but the math score improved a little bit too.  We’re satisfied with the score, it’s in the scholarship range, so we don’t plan to test again.  BabyGirl is relieved and my pockets are too.

We’ve finalized the list of schools she’d like to attend and she’s already applied to two of them online.  We’re attending the Fall Open House for her top school this weekend and we’ll submit the application for that one in person.  The SAT scores, transcripts, and counselor/teacher letters of recommendations have been mailed.  By this time next week, the only thing left to do will be sit back and wait.   Uh…the wait.

BabyGirl has done the hardest part and I’m so very proud of her.  My child…my only child…my baby girl is almost college bound.  Wow!  When we receive that acceptance letter, I will consider it my highest and proudest life achievement to date.

To think, when I was her age, I was knocked up and worried about how we would survive.  For the past 17 years, this is the year I’ve feared the most because I didn’t want her to repeat my same mistakes.  But at the same time, it’s the year I’ve been waiting for.  My daughter will be the second in my family (maternal & paternal) and the only in her generation (in terms of grand/great-grand children) to attend college immediately after high school and avoid teenage pregnancy. Sad familial stats, I know, but on the bright side, it means we’re breaking the cycle and leading change.  Woo hoo!

I’ve made many mistakes while raising my daughter and there are many things I’d do differently if given a do-over, but I’m proud of how far we’ve come together. Go us!

I’ve been dealing with a lot of random emotions lately. If you follow me on Twitter, you will know that I’ve been crying for absolutely no reason at all, indulging in retail therapy, and even cut my hair after a spare of the moment decision. Yesterday, my mom shed some light on what was causing my erratic behavior – difficulty accepting the fact that BabyGirl will be leaving the nest in less than a year. Hmm…imagine that.

Yea, I know.  I thought I was excited, happy, couldn’t wait to kick her out, throw a freedom party, and all that jazz. But who am I kidding? I was lying to myself. I’ve been a mom for my entire adult life and I don’t know how to live with my only child gone. Her senior year of high school has only just begun and I’m going through the motions already.  I don’t know how to deal with this on my own, so I finally decided to call my therapist for emergency medical intervention to help me through this transition.

Please forgive my absence.

I received a form letter from the county government child support office where BabyGirl’s sperm donor father lives.  Here’s the text:

To:  Single Ma

Federal law requires Child Support Enforcement agencies to notify all non-public assistance parents of their right to request a review of their case for possible adjustment to their child support order once every three years.

This is an official notification that your case is approaching the three year review period.  If you wish to have your child support order reviewed for possible modification, please contact your child support agent at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Ok, let me get this straight…

For the past 14 years, he’s been ordered to pay only $58/month – yes, you read that correctly.  But I consider it a luck of the draw if I receive 1/2 that amount.

He’s been in and out of jail due to lack of child support payments, almost to the point that it’s become of game of hide-n-seek.  He hides, they seek, he pays, then hides again, they seek, lock him up, he pays, rinse and repeat – all over 58 damn dollars!

In fact, we’re 7 months into the year and I have received a TOTAL of $101.73 in child support for the entire year 2009.  That’s an average of $16.95/month like my child is a fuckin K-Mart blue light special!

She’s 17 years old now, which means I will only collect child support for another 12 months.  Although I will pursue every dime of arrears that he owes me until 1) it is paid in full or 2) the day he dies – which ever comes first.  But after all these years, I suddenly have the option to “request a review of [my] case for possible adjustment to [my] child support order.”

A review that will require me to answer a laundry list of questions about MY income, finances, standard of living, etc.  A review that, when compared to his degenerate lifestyle, will possibly result in a case dismissal, sustainment or maybe even a reduction of the existing laughable “order.”

Receiving this dumb ass form letter pisses me off.  But you know what? Yes, I want a review of my child support order.  Why?  Because regardless of what I am able to provide on my own through HARD WORK and SACRIFICE…

MY CHILD DESERVES MORE FROM HER SPERM DONOR FATHER!!

- BabyGirl took her senior portraits on Friday. Almost all of them are beautiful. She’s very photogenic.

- I gave her a summer homework assignment to research at least 2 scholarships each week and present the details to me every Saturday morning. By this fall, we should be prepared to pursue at least 16 scholarship opportunities.

- BabyGirl might be adding an Ivy to her college application list. We were invited to spend a weekend on the campus this summer, all expense paid. I was surprised, she was not. We’re both excited though.

My child will really be a high school senior in the fall.  OMG!