Money Gossip With Single Ma: My Cousin’s Wedding
Well, well, well…I never thought I’d see the day, but one of my closest cousins has finally crossed over to the dark side. [insert the voice of Shug Avery] She’s married now!! And I am very happy for her. It was a lovely ceremony and reception, despite the typical “Single Ma Family” shenanigans. Trust me, my family will have y’all cracking up for days. Such as:
My cousin’s (the bride) response to the minister when he told her to say “for richer or for poorer” - does that mean my four-hundred and one kays (read: 401k) too? *dead*
My male cousin (aspiring song writer) stalking R&B singer, Lil Mo (the groom’s sister), until she finally agreed to listen to his demo tape during the reception. Any picture she was in, he found a way/reason to be included. Can you say groupie at a family affair? LOL
My aunt’s (a chef) response to the bland food that was meant to accommodate all dietary limitations - fugg dis, I got some Lawry’s and Texas Pete in the trunk of my car! Who want some? *can’t breathe*
…and lots more, but this is the kicker:
Before the wedding began (you know black folks operate on CP time), a few of my uncles and male cousins were standing in the church parking lot just shooting the breeze. I was sitting in a chair on the porch - close enough to hear most of the conversation.
Uncle #1: This a nice car (BMW 5-series) man, when’d you get it?
Uncle #2: Yea, I just bought it for your sister (his wife) back in February. I got tired of her complaining that we were the only family in our neighborhood that didn’t own a luxury vehicle.
Cousin #1: Damn Unc, you still getting pimped by the ladies, huh?
*everybody laughing*
Cousin #2: Ah shut up fool, the only reason you bought that Range is because you know it’s a p**** magnet!
*everybody laughing again*
Uncle #1: You young bucks still tryna impress lil girls. What you NEED to do is get a Cadillac so you can attract a GROWN WOMAN who can cook and make you some babies.
*everybody laughing - real loud*
Cousin #2: I hear ya Unc, but women these day have that “I don’t need a man” attitude so the “good ones” are not impressed by men with luxury cars anymore. They just buy their own.
Then, up walks my father (yes, my father - I know I don’t talk about him much here) with his shoulders all broad and his chest poked out.
Side Note: I haven’t spoken to him in over a year and haven’t seen him in 2-3x as long. Because I’m really close with his side of the family (born, raised, and practically lived with them until I was a teen), he gets regular updates about my life through the family grapevine - and of course, HE takes credit for his family (not HIM, but HIS FAMILY) “raising me right.” I’m not sure how much he knows about my life, exactly, but he knows I do pretty well for myself.
My Father: *only hearing 1/2 the conversation* Sho’ ya right. My daughter probably drives the best car in this parking lot! And she didn’t need a knucklehead like any of you to help her buy it.
[then he turns to me]
My Father: Baby, show ‘em. Where’s your car?
Single Ma: *pointing to my car* I drive a Honda Accord.
They ALL turn to me and practically say in unison: You drive THAT?!?!?
Now you would think I pointed to a Chevy Nova with mix-matched doors, chipped paint, and rust on the hood. LOL
Single Ma: Yes. *uncrossing my legs, leaning forward, hands on hip while still sitting, and giving them the black woman’s neck roll* And what’s wrong with my car??
My Father: Well, I expected you to be driving a Mercedes or something.
Single Ma: Why?
Cousins #1 and #2: *imitating a basketball being thrown in the hoop* ‘Cause you ballin’!
Single Ma: *standing up and stepping off the porch* Let me tell y’all something…
First of all, I’m not sure what you consider “ballin’” but I doubt if I fit the description. I make decent money and I manage it well.
Second, I choose to spend my money on things that bring ME joy. If I drove a Mercedes, who am I going to satisfy - myself or others who see me in it?
Third, don’t get it twisted. Most people who can truly afford to buy luxury cars - don’t. When I look at that new BMW (*pointing at my aunt’s car*), all I see is a hefty car payment.
Uncle #2: *loud grunt* You got that right!
Single Ma: Therefore, I happen to like my Honda Accord. It’s a well made vehicle, reliable, comfortable, and not to mention - PAID FOR.
[they all looked at each other, like daaaaaamn]
And lastly, when you make financial choices to impress the likes of others or because you want what someone else has - that’s the ultimate sign of a “poor man’s” mentality.
So until you change the way you think, YOU will NEVER be a baller.
[walking away, leaving 5 grown men in pure silence]
Cousin #2: *real quiet* See, that’s why she aint got no man.
[Single Ma turning around...]
Cousin #1: *punching cousin #2 in his arm* Yes she do. I heard he’s a baller too.
Cousin #2: No she don’t. *titling his head back and turning up his mouth* Why she aint bring him then?
My Father: ‘Cause she don’t want him to meet y’all dumb asses!
*everybody laughing again - probably moreso at the irony of who said it, than the actual truth*
I had to laugh at that one too. LOL
That’s my family and I luv ‘em.
~*~*~*~*~*~Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And always, BE FABULOUS!
This blog is the story of my life...a single mom who worked her way from nothing to financial freedom. Subscribe here and follow the rest of my journey.
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OMG… I am dying laughing.. I’m kind of mad though that you told the yt readers about the CP time… They aren’t supposed to know that. LMAO..
Maybe this christmas you should order several copies of The Millionaire Next Door and just send it to those men for kicks.. AND, hey who knew a Cadillac attracted a woman that will cook and make babies.. LOL~ I wish I was a fly on the wall at this wedding!
PS.. I won’t even mention the 401KAYS reference.
It’s crazy what some men think attracts women. When I see I dude pushing an expensive car I think either he’s leasing or that car note is high as hell!!! A friend of mine works at a subprime car dealership where people come in with credit scores in the 400s and want to buy a benz, lexus, bmw…etc. Oh yeah….they get approved but their notes are like $800 per month, I’m not exaggerating. He told me about a dude that came in and just wanted a car…any car. His credit sucked so he needed a cosigner. His father cosigned with a 720 credit score. My friend proceeded to show him a fully loaded chrysler 300 which he turned his nose up on. Now all of a sudden he wantes a Lexus. By the way, not only did his credit suck he made less than 30k per year and lived with his daddy (he’s in his early 30s). Well they got him in the lexus, his note is over $800. After he told me this story, I wondered how many women are out here falling for this…the cars, clothes, etc…when the man actually has nothing. So i’m saying all that to say we kill ourselves to impress others who have absolutely no bearing on who we are. This fool is going to pay a more than half his take home on a car to impress people who really don’t even give a damn.
“My cousin’s (the bride) response to the minister when he told her to say “for richer or for poorer” - does that mean my four-hundred and one kays (read: 401k) too? *dead*”
Sounds like someone needed to call SM for some pre-nup advice instead of $3K…just a thought. I would have been dead, too.
And can’t I just imagine you telling the men folk about themselves for having the nerve to look down upon your perfectly fine (I drive one myself!) paid for (amen!) car? Gave them something to think about, at least for a hot minute.
Wow…
We are in culture shock…LOL
We drive an affordable gas milage car that impress only my wallet to gain more buying power at the gas pumps, and at the end of the day…at the stores too wink… LOL
*LAUGHING*!!
I loved loved loved this story. Especially the part where you put ‘em in their place
You go gurl!
Girl power
You know, Ma, you can write a damn good book about all your family interactions or a script for a comedy show or something
I was laughing my a** off
Bernie Mac in a skirt
Haha! That’s Great!!
Reminds me of a cousin’s wedding I went to 11 years ago where:
1) 2 girl cousins (in their 40s) very well endowed were flamboyantly going around (after much beer consumption) asking (demanding?) which had the bigger ‘rack’.
2) Aunt who set herself up on a table with old family photos, selling copies for $2-$5 each!
3) Cousin who was handing out Mary Kay brochures and her business card, whilst giving unsolicited advice on peoples makeup/hair/nails -!-
Never a dull moment!
Single Ma, that was funny, you couldn’t have scripted that if you tried …definitely needs to go in your book we know you’re working on
*wink*
Sounds like a very eventful day:)
That’s it, you’re going on my RSS feeds list…
Oh boy single ma, you almost made me pee myself laughing when I read that. Reminds me of the party I was at on the weekend where someone told me that my ex had been declined for the mortgage he wanted so he went out and spent the deposit as a downpayment on a new car… yeah, like that relationship would have worked LOL.
ABSOLUTELY DEAD @ your father
My Father: ‘Cause she don’t want him to meet y’all dumb asses!
I know that’s right!!!!!
LMAO! This was pure comedy!!!!! This read as if it were straight from one of Madea’s comedys lol
Funniest ish ever! The entire car thing had me dying! You tell em’ girl! I have never had a need to keep up with the Jones or drive something the only impresses others. That is just plain silly to me. Like another reader stated when I see a guy with a flashy car I think high arse note or a lease can get anyone anything! Not impressed!
This is a priceless post, Single Ma! I felt right at home with your family. Fortunately. And unfortunately. LOL!
So what happened with the other cousin that wanted to borrow money from you?
Dear Single Ma:
You made me laugh out loud and slow golf clap, cause you are the Tiger Woods of Straight Talk. Thanks for being so awesome!
Meadow
SM, you have me in my chair at work about to fall out!!!!!
I guess a flashy car, driven by a man who can not really afford it in the first place, is supposed to compensate for his shortcomings under the hood if you know what I mean
Otherwise he could be riding a bike-he’d be attracting women right and left
Velvet, I think that was the cousin who wanted to borrow money.
Thanks.
I’m gonna make you the Fabulous Financials moderator. LOL [-SM]
YOU are the one who needs to write a screenplay. Too funny.
LOL - I can’t even comment.
Hilarious….of my gosh.l…A picture is worth a thousand words…I can imagine the looks on their faces.
Girl, you be coming with those scritps, I felt like I was there at the wedding. I doubt anyone there will get your logic about personal finance. Most of us grew up thinking if we can afford the payments, you can afford the car. Wrong thinking
sorry I meant scripts
OMG…*faints…gets up…re-reads falls out laughing again* Ok your family is a trip…girl…you could have bought them all for a penny when you read them…that is good stuff.