Holding Pattern
Have you ever had so much going on in your life all at once that you decide to do nothing and just be still? That’s where I am right now. I’ve decided to place myself in a holding pattern.
CAREER
For nearly 7 years, my professional career has been on overdrive, full speed ahead. I began my current career as an Intern with an annual salary of $33,000. Since then, I’ve been promoted, entrusted with progressively complex projects, empowered with limited authority to carry out my responsibilities, and earned a salary increase of more than $10,000 every single year for the past 7 years. Currently, my salary exceeds six figures, my authority is unlimited, and I oversee a staff that manages multi-million dollar projects. Some may think this is amazing progress, but it hasn’t been an easy feat. I’ve worked hard - I mean HARD. I’ve hustled. I’ve networked. I’ve established my professional reputation. On the grind everyday, day after day, non-stop.
But now…I’m tired.
I’ve pushed myself so hard and my career has moved so fast, I can’t continue to live up to the performance that others have come to expect. No, scratch that. I can live up to it, I don’t know if I’m “willing” to live up to it. If I were, I’ve positioned myself perfectly to earn another promotion within a year. It’s so close, I can almost taste it. But I’ve decided that I’m not willing to put in the leg work to make it happen. It’s time to slow down. The salary and responsibilities at the next level are gift wrapped with an inordinate amount of demands that will place a burden on my personal life. As a single mom of a teenager who’s breaking out of her baby shell, I’m not ready to make the necessary sacrifice. However, I will continue to deliver the same quality results where ever my name is associated and I will continue to help my subordinates develop the necessary skills to advance their careers. But for me - just for now - I am going to be still and place my own career in a holding pattern.
PERSONAL FINANCES
I’ve had an interest in personal finance all of my adult life, but I’ve only been blogging about it for 2.5 years. In that short amount of time, I’ve made significant changes/improvements in my own personal finances. I am now non-mortgage debt free. I max out my annual 401k contributions. I max out my annual IRA contributions. I have a fully funded emergency fund. And I’ve recently begun to focus on non-retirement investments. All of my basic financial goals have been met and my saving/investing contributions are on auto pilot.
There’s so much more I can push myself to accomplish, but I am content. I’m quickly learning that owning rental property introduces many financial risks if one is not postured to handle the worst case scenario. So I’ve decided, it’s time to focus on the one thing that could potentially threaten my comfortable financial life. I will continue to make automatic saving and investing contributions, but all excess cash flow will go into the rental property. Which means - just for now - I’m going to be still and place my personal finances in a holding pattern.
BabyGirl & Mr Eye Candy
Since many of you have inquired, I’ve decided to throw in a tidbit about two of the most important people in my life. Sometimes the relationships I have with them seem too good to be true. If I wrote a book, it may be classified as a fairytale. Then, there are other times when we face challenges that make our bed of roses feel like thorns. I’m thankful those times are few and far between, but based on experience, overcoming those challenges have strengthened our bond.
Currently, I’m in a weird place with both of them. Although I’m usually a “fix it” person, I’ve come to realize that everything doesn’t have to be perfect all the time. All relationships have dips in the valley and it’s ok to let the natural process run its course. I will continue to nurture the relationships with the same tender loving care. But I’ve decided - just for now - I’m going to be still and place my two most important personal relationships in a holding pattern.
Lesson Learned
There’s a time for everything. Sometimes it’s YOUR time, sometimes it isn’t. If things seem too difficult, too much to bear, or you can sense a storm on the horizon - hold tight. Try your best to prepare for what’s coming, but don’t take on more than you can handle and get ready to face the inevitable. If you’re lucky, you may avoid it temporarily. But if the challenge was meant to occur, it WILL come full circle again. Sometimes, the best way to manage is to slow down, be still, and place yourself in a holding pattern. This is when the most valuable lessons are learned.
I know this is an unusual post with cryptic details sprinkled throughout, but the intent of the message is from the heart. Take full advantage of your growth period but also recognize and accept when you need to be in a holding pattern.
Image Credit: The Chronicle
~*~*~*~*~*~Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!
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Thank you for this post, SM. I really needed that. I think we all sometimes forget to “be still” and let God. I definitely needed this this morning. Thank you again.
Wow, you hit the nail on the head. I am not in the same position as you are in terms of career and personal finance. But I am holding still and waiting, I know who HE is and just waiting on Him. That does not mean to relax 100%, we still have to pull our weight. Graduating from undergrad early, working a full time, getting married, having a beautiful daughter, and then pursusing my MBA and just at 23 years old, seems as though I’ve been rushing things. Maybe I was, for what, I do not know. I have to write a blog about this subject to go into more details on what I am waiting for!
That’s a very personal message…thanks for sharing that. What you said validates how I’ve been living for the last 2 years. Now is not my time, but it will come. Thanks SM!
We all need this sometimes!
Yep, timely post for me too. I just found out that I did not pass a proffesssional exam that would have increased my pay by $500 per month. I studied for 8 months and Lord knows I don’t want to spend one more day studying for that test. I’m ready to finish my masters and I was going to re-enroll in school tomorrow. But I need to be still, also. I need to sit on my butt and pass this exam before i go trying to do anything else. It’s going to be hard because I sooooo want to finish my masters.
Very good post. I am reading a book right now entitled, “Finding the Still Point”
It happens to be a guide to zen meditation, but the still point is that place within where you cease thinking, planning, worrying, etc. and just ARE.
I think you’re wise. You are doing so well and you work so hard, you can’t sprint forever. And I think us black women, especially, always feel the need to “fix it,” nurture it, triumph, overcome, do it better, faster, smarter for longer that we neglect US. But we can’t do any of those fabulous things if we’re not ok. Not me though… I’m a slacker perpetrating to be driven! Maybe where you’ve chosen to hold, I can sap some of the energy you’re not using and get moving!
sometimes being still and waiting is harder than working. I think you are making the right decision with your life and career. Sometimes we need to be in a holding pattern to really take a good look at our life, career, realationships, etc to make the next decision on where to take our lives.
Great post again!
I love your blog, just discovered it a few months ago. I am in a stranage place right now but Psalm 46:10 and Jeremiah 29:11-13 have been my life verses for the past 3 years. In that time, I have experienced financial highs and lows. Pretty much from one extreme to the other. I am a Stay at home mom who needs to return to the work force. I am torn between finding employment that enhance our finances while not impacting my home life vs. going back to a career and sacrificing a quality family life. Today’s message simply strengthened my resolve and encouraged me. If any of your loyal readers have advice for me, I’d be happy to hear it. Thanks for your candidness, it is refreshing!
Be well in your holding pattern. I am happy for you - your growth and your outlook.
I love this post. We all need to be still sometimes and allow things to unfold naturally. Honestly, we can’t control anything. I’ve recently learned that my blood pressure was 140/100! The bottom number is very high and not healthy. The pressures of parenting, working, living, fixing, and maintaining have finally caught up with me. For all of the other sisters out there take heed to the message that Single Ma has implied, and that I too concur with. To be there for everyone else, we have to be here. In your down time, do you…whether that is staying in all weekend ALONE and talk to no one. I haven’t been answering my phone, just chilling and enjoying the home that I wanted so badly and work so hard to pay for. Actually, I’m really enjoying it. I have created my own serenity and spa-like feel to my home.
Thanks again Single Ma! Not only do you inspire me financially but to start my very own blog too…http://sagewizdom.blogspot.com/2008/06/in-beginninga-genesis-of-sorts.html
Blessings, LiGhT & LoVe…
Sage
http://www.sagewizdom.blogspot.com
What a great post. And I can relate. Outside of my day job, I have a side business writing articles for the local paper. Getting both gigs involved lots of hustle and proving my worth to people. But after two years of doing both jobs, I had saved up some emergency funds and secured an OK salary. I began to feel ready and safe to let go and go into a holding pattern.
Simultaneously, one of the magazines I wrote for had to close down, reducing my side workload by 50%. I counted my Higher Power’s blessing that it was time to take a break and focus on myself and my relationships. I began seeing a therapist and entered a stage of my life where I am doing a personal inventory, and resolving to make changes within myself — since for now, the outside/financial is pretty well taken care of.
Bless you in your holding pattern!
Single Ma!! I too agree with the other bloggers about this entry, It was a very personal one, but so many people (including me) needed to hear that right now! It is amazing how much you have accomplished, and as a 25 year old in that 33,000 dollar range right now it gives me hope that I can grown in my career, but it also shows me, that money is not everything, and sometimes I do feel that if I can get to a financial peak where I am comfortable and can provide for my child beyond measure then I will be set, But from reading your entry I understand that no matter what in life, there will be times, when we will have to let the creator do his work and just Be STILL!!!
Thanks so much
Miss Money
http://missmoneyblues.blogspot.com/
Really enjoyed reading this… seems like you have things “together” at the moment, which probably wasn’t the case 7 years ago. Just slow down and take it one day at the time… Good Luck!
Single Ma, this may be one of the wisest posts you have ever written.
Seriously, it is very important to listen to that inner voice and when it calls, be still and listen to it.
Too many people are running themselves in circles in pursuit of their goals, dreams, a fatter paycheck, or just trying to be the perfect `whatever’ it is they want to be. But at the end of the day, there are only 24 hours, we are only human, and when we live out of balance, there will be a price to pay. Sometimes that price is exhaustion, depression, frustration, too little time, too little enjoyment…or even a diagnoses. Mine was cancer.
I used to put my career out front and center. I worked hard to increase my pay at least 8-10% each year. I would put in long days, long weeks, volunteering for projects, committees, and I was also finishing my Bachelors in the evenings.
But my life felt out of kilter. In fact, I felt like I was missing out on my life. I was so focused on the future and what I planned to achieve that I wasn’t appreciating THE MOMENT, and I felt like a stranger in my own life. I realized I wasn’t even enjoying myself anymore. I was exhausted. I was burnt out. I realized I was pursuing a degree in a field I didn’t even have a passion for, but because I had an Associates and had been in the field for years & was on that upward path, I felt obligated to press on. I began to feel bad physically from the internal conflict but felt powerless to resolve it. Then I received that diagnoses that changed my life….for the better.
I’m not saying you need to bow out, quite the contrary. But remember you are, at the end of the day, merely human - and a lot of the pressure you are feeling is self imposed.
I decided to change direction. At age 46, I can now tell you that I am UTTERLY ecstatic with my choice. I earn less money than I would in the corporate world - but I spend a lot less because now I telecommute. No more traffic jams (or time spent commuting), no more parking, no more weekly gas fill ups, no more corporate monkey suits & pantyhose, no more `what’ll I do for lunch’ hassles, no more reluctant spending on baby shower & wedding shower gifts, no more office politics. I am FREE. The savings alone, plus the write offs from working out of my home, have helped to offset any loss of income. And I have my life back - because I realized my true avarice - my TIME.
Blessings to you - and don’t forget to listen to your heart as well as that mighty head of yours. I wish you the best!
SM, I hear you. I wrote a similar post like yours a few days ago and I was shocked to read about your revelation. I totally understand as life can be so overwhelming and just too much sometimes. I think that summer is always a good time to release and relax. We all have to do let go and be still once in a while or we will find ourselves in a very bad place.
This post was a pleasure to read. We’re memorizing this verse at my church right now. I know it isn’t long or anything, but it’s definitely needed! Thanks for a great post!
Thanks for sharing! First-time reader, and I’m glad I stopped by when I did! I especially appreciated the image at the beginning of the post.
I have always appreciated your posts. I especially feel like I connected with you here. The whole idea of my blog has been to seek contentment. I don’t necessarily want to be complacent with my life and not be on the search, but I do want to appreciate what I have. Seeking contentment defines every day of my life. I’m seeking the balance. You have been an inspiration to me. I don’t know how you handle being a single mother, because I’m so very dependent on my husband for help with our girls. I admire you. Thank you for sharing.
BTW, I just have to say that sometimes when my DH and I are talking he’ll say, “What does Single Ma have to say about that?” It’s cute. You are famous in our household.
Thanks for sharing. It’s great that you have realized the need to let it be, instead of getting to the point of complete burnout.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I humbly add myself to the list of folks who needed to hear this message. I just got word that I will be laid off in three weeks after 7 years service. I’ll be 41 next month, am happily single with no kids. I am also climbng out of debt, and your blog is an inspiration. I have been running on empty for a while, and will use this time to just be still.
I think this is your best post ever. I’ve been reading you for a while now (since the purchase of the home you are now renting out), and while I enjoy your blog, this post stands out. Lots of things are going on in my life right now, and I appreciate the reminder that sometimes we need to simply Be Still and listen.
By the way, I have to know where you got the image! Is that a plaque sold by a website? I googled but with no luck. I really like it!