The Backwards Payback
Early last week, a friend of mine invited me to lunch, but I declined because I didn’t want to spend any money. After making up several excuses (i.e. I have to finish this report, have a meeting that may run over, don’t feel like walking to the metro, etc.), she insisted and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I blurted out “are you treating!” to which she responded “girl, you know I got you.” LOL
Awww. That was sweet, but there’s one thing about me. For those I love, I’m just as frugal with their money as I am with my own. So I insisted on a reasonable restaurant (read: affordable), suggested we share a meal, and chose to drink water (for cost and health reasons) instead of a soft drink. The total bill was $15.xx and she left $20 on the table to include the tip.
During lunch, I learned why she was so persistent. There was some juicy information she wanted to share and she knew my response would be inappropriate if she told me while I was still in the office. LOL Yea, I can get loud and ghetto sometimes. Ha! On my way back to work, I was happy we decided to meet for lunch. It was nice to get out of the office and I enjoyed her company. Although it didn’t need to be said, she knew I would treat her the next time we went out.
Funny enough, after a stressful work week, that ‘next time’ came a lot sooner than we both expected. By Friday, I was in need of an unfiltered grownfolk conversation and she needed to relax, relate, and release. We both wanted to escape the CSS again, but this time, I let her choose the restaurant and offered to pay.
She ordered an appetizer (we shared), a soft drink, and an entree. Again, I ordered water only and an entree. Good food, good conversation, and good company. However, the total bill was $35.xx, excluding tip. Ugh! I signed the credit receipt without hesitation but couldn’t help thinking “If I had just paid for my share of lunch the first time, I wouldn’t feel obligated to spend so much today.” So instead of saving $10 earlier in the week, I spent $42 only a few days later.
Great.
I love my friends, but dining out and covering the bill are way too expensive. Next time, I’ll invite her over for a healthy dinner instead.
[image credit: Ariel Skelley]
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I hate when I to go for lunch with friends and I order water and like the cheapest thing on the menu, no appetizer, and they order everything, then they want to split the bill. AHHHH! I love my friends, so now I invitte them to my house where I can make a whole dinner for under $10 (baked ziti, nice salad, garlic bread, & brownies.) I get the ingredients on sale and usually make a few trays that I keep in my freezer. This also helps if we have kids with us (I almost always have mine) as they can go play as we talk, not try to keep them quiet at the table (an impossible feat with two rowdy boys. lol.)
The other night my cousin wanted to go out and I had a free sitter. We went to a shabbat service at a Jewish synagogue (nice music and very relaxing) and afterwords we went to Barnes & Noble and splurged. I got cheesecake and hot chocolate. Whole evening was $7 for me, this is a nice for me.
LOL I know you didn’t do this after you got on MY case about it!!!!!! I have managed to do better though, I haven’t paid for anyone to eat in 3 weeks. That’s pretty good for me.
Uh, I don’t think so. Treating a friend to lunch because she paid previously is not the same as treating your broke friends ALL the time because they never have any money. Baby, they are using you. [-SM]
LOL. I have learned NOT to do that or let my friends (or relatives) choose. Especially when they think you are BALLIN’!!! If I’m treating, I’m picking the restaurant. Or I invite them to the house where I can prepare a good meal for way less money.
SM stop being cheap it is water under the bridge now. If you have a good time and the conversation was positive, look at it like therapy. I rather be out and have a good lunch and interacting with someone than to be at home trying be frugal.
Good environment, good conversation, and relaxation is was all worth it. :)
Forgive me, I’m not a big baller like you. I would rather NOT spend $42 on LUNCH, but if YOU don’t mind, I can’t complain. When you come to DC in the spring, I guess I know who’s paying for lunch or dinner. I’ll choose the restaurant and make sure it isn’t some place “cheap.” ;-)
While I do enjoy the company of my friends, I’d prefer to have a good meal AT HOME, drink wine, have a blast, AND BE frugal. In fact, this is something a girlfriend and I plan to do Friday night. But if you need to be out and spending lots of money just to have a good time, do you. [-SM]
I have done this exact same thing. My girlfriend, who is uber cheap (beyond frugal), decided to by our other girlfriend and I breakfast for our Christmas present one year. Of course, she didn’t tell us she was buying until after we ordered and ate. My breakfast was a whopping $2.50 as was my other friends (eggs and toast – we’re all frugal). Meanwhile, we had each spent at least $25 on our breakfast buying friend for her Christmas present.
Having you friend over for dinner is a great idea! Cheaper, healthier and you aren’t limited to your lunch hour! =)
I hate it when friends try to get one over on their buddies like Jess’ friend seemed to do with a Christmas present. Though SM, it seems to me like your friend wasn’t trying to take advantage. It just didn’t work out all even-steven. I’m sure if you kept doing these treating lunches, it would even out eventually. But if you have ish with it, it’s not worth it. Dollar for dollar, I don’t fret about these things unless my friend is fretting about them, and it tends to make me feel less generous toward my penny-pinching buddy. (And I’m a penny pincher.) So by all means, do what makes you feel comfortable. Dinner at home sounds fabulous! I just know it gives me anxiety to eat out with my tit-for-tat dining buddies, and your friend would probably appreciate knowing that you are happy while also being ecstatic to eat a meal at your house.
Ugh, yeah I’ve been there! I hate it when other people pay for me precisely because I know I’m going to overcompensate when it’s my turn to “pay back.”
I always feel awkward about letting someone take the bill, unless it’s clear that they’re making a lot more money and the lunch was their idea. Even then I feel awkward, but I feel less like I’m mooching. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen often, instead people come to our place for dinner or we go to their place and if my friends and I go out we get separate checks. Smoother for all of us.
I like to split it because then I don’t worry as much about what I order either. And I don’t have to worry about whether they’ll tip the server enough (though I can always leave extra).
$42 is not spending alot of money, like I said in return you had fun, so it was worth it. Now if you don’t think she was worth half of $42, well that’s a different story.
It’s not a matter of whether I think she’s worth it. I simply don’t make a habit of spending $21 to eat out – not even on myself, much less anyone else. [-SM]
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No problem, I will treat you when I come up there. McDonald’s it is!! and you can order any thing on the menu, no limit! LOL
Using your words – stop being cheap! And be careful telling me “no limit” ’cause I’ll order $100 worth of $1 menu items, then go to the District and give it away to the homeless on the streets. Since you’re so generous and all…in the name of having fun. LOL [-SM]
Eating dinner out is my biggest vice. But every now and then hanging at home is cool also.
oh by the way, I did not know it was for lunch, sorry.
I thought it was a dinner, misread your post :(
My apology, $42 for lunch is a little steep. My bad.
lol gotta learn to eat where there is a dollar menu.
I don’t like to eat out at lunch, period. But I do every once in a while, and because it’s not very often that I do, I don’t mind the expense – but letting someone else pick AND treating them probably isn’t something I’d do…
Welcome back to the blogosphere!! [-SM]
I think things usually work on in the end, as long as you are good friends and intend to have lots of meals together. :) Which I would assume is the case, if you are comfortable with not going dutch. Good thing my friends are usually the type to stick to the same hole-in-the-wall places I like to go to!
Single Ma, have you considered joining rewards network (I don’t work for them or anything)? This isn’t direct related to your dining post, but has to do with dining in general. :) You basically register your credit card on their site, and if you eat at a participating restaurant, you receive airline miles, for free. A quick look at the D.C area shows that a lot of restaurants participate. I know that the point is to eat out less overall, but if you happen to eat at one of these places, at least you will receive free miles :) My b/f and I started doing this last year, and since then, we have accrued 30K miles on American Airlines. Just a thought to making dining out have more bang for your buck!!