How to Hide Money to Escape an Abusive Spouse
Mrs. Micah has two very interesting discussions going on:
Part I: How to Hide Money from an Abusive Husband or Wife Part 1 — Banking
Part II: How to Hide Money from an Abusive Husband or Wife Part 2 — TellinItLikeItIs
As a woman, this topic is very near and dear to my heart. Although I’ve never experienced abuse (physical or emotional) in a relationship, I sympathize with any woman who has because abuse is nothing but a control mechanism used by weak ass men to belittle their wives. I wish I could face a few of them and stomp my foot on their throat. ‘Cause let me tell you something, if the decision is between you OR me and my child, you don’t have to guess who’s visiting the grim reaper first. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart - sealed, stamped, and delivered with a bow! But I realize that’s easy for me to say. Some women feel powerless and hopeless because they’ve invested so much in their husbands and they see no way out of their situation.
So if you have experience (first hand or observed a friend or family member) or any words of wisdom - especially any experts in the field! - please, please visit Mrs. Micah’s site today to help the anonymous visitor who stumbled on her blog by using the search words “How to Hide Money from an Abusive Husband or Wife.” Mrs. Micah has decided to put together a personal finance resource for any woman in a similar situation. Please visit her site today and chime in.
If you prefer, leave your comments here (please comment anonymously if necessary) - or - feel free to email me privately and I will share any information you authorize to release.
Thanks in advance!
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Great Week Roundup 3-6-08 (Pingback), 6 March 2008, 21:02
[...] Single Ma weighed in on my posts about hiding money from abusive spouses. Abuse makes her angry, as well it should. I only hope that by publicizing this content, she and I [...]
Thanks for mentioning this, Single Ma. I hope that next time the searcher turns to Google, she’ll find results on several blogs.
It’s also a tool used by some “weak ass” women as I’ve experience personally. Please be sure to be fair in your assessments that abuse doesn’t just happen to women.
Another thing you need to consider is that for some people, abuse by a partner feeds their own needs. Some refuse to leave even when offered help and money from friends and relatives–I happen to know several women in this situation. They have to take responsibility for their part in the abusive relationship and for accepting abusive behavior from their partner. Portraying them as helpless victims doesn’t serve anyone well.
I was there(abuse). He made me feel an inch tall, took what self esteem i had before I met him and made me feel as if i could do no better then to be with him. I too was offered many resourses(financially and otherwise). I just had to get to the point that enough was enough and know my son and myself deserved so much better !!! I was not necessarily accepting the abusive behavior but tolerating it. I was not helpless just confused. Life is better now days. Have a new husband and my old life seems worlds away. We may argue(as i believe almost everyone will) but there is no name calling on his part(although I could stand to lose some weight). We argue about the issue without resorting to violence. So anonymous you can’t lump everyone in the same boat !!!
Thanks for posting this info! You never know who you may have helped today. I’ma have to send this info to my mother and sister as they are both domestic violence advocates for a small non profit agency in California.
Your timing couldn’t be better - my SIL finally found the courage to redirect her SS and disability payments to her own private account instead of the joint account that her husband took complete control of and she had no access to. The sh– hit the fan today when her monthly checks did not go into the joint account as he expected. They’ve lived apart for 2 years, and she’s living with my MIL, and only recently found the courage to start taking control of what is rightfully hers - she had cancer and is not able to work, yet he took her SS and disability pay and blew it on booze, cars or anything else he wanted. Don’t even get me started … anyway, we are very proud of her for taking this important step and are working with her to put together a life that she and her children deserve.
Sadly, very timely. A friend of mine married a very wealthy and connected man three years ago, and spent the last three years finishing her education and getting some health problems fixed so they could start a family. Last week she found out that he was cheating on her, and when she confronted him he hit her. She never thought that this could happen to her, and she has very little access to any of their money or financial information - even the house is in his name only. We are trying to help her out, but this is a good reminder that EVERYONE should have a little cash stashed away - you never think something like this will happen to you or someone you love, until it does.
Speaking as a feminist, I understand that sometimes women abuse men and they sometimes even abuse men physically, but the simple fact is that men are more likely to abuse women than vice versa, and even when women do abuse men (yes, it does happen), they don’t cause nearly as much damage. It’s also notable that when a woman leaves an abusive marriage she is likely to be killed for doing so, while when a man leaves an abusive relationship (with a woman) that is usually the end of it.
I understand that male survivors of abuse need help working through their emotions about the ordeal, and sometimes they even need help getting out of the relationship (this is very unusual, but I know a man who was once in that situation), but I’d like to remind any man reading this that we women had to advocate for our own gender and fight like hell to make the gains we *have* made thus far in setting up domestic violence shelters, against an incredible amount of backlash in the other direction, which largely came from men. When a man steps into the middle of a discussion about female domestic abuse victims and demands equal time for men’s grievances in the other direction, it sounds to me like you are asking us to fix your problems as well as ours, when your gender could not be bothered to do any serious work for our problems in the first place. It is men who commit the most dangerous abuse, and it is men who most often belittle other men who have been victims of abuse, and maybe you should clean up your own “house” for once.
This is not to say I don’t think abuse is a serious issue no matter who suffers it. But there are very real political implications in expecting women to be housekeepers for every little political situation men face, giving us all the political responsibility when we don’t even have equal political rights. Try a little fairness for once and please stop accusing us of *un*fairness. If it were up to us, the genders would have been considered equal (not “the same,” but equal in worth) and treated accordingly a looooong time ago.