My Baby Is Growing Up
This post is not personal finance related, so feel free to ignore it.
I don’t know why, but the realization that my baby is growing up makes me so sad. I mean, I know she has to grow up. In fact, she’s blossoming into a beautiful young lady and I’m proud of what I’ve created. But when I look at her, I try to psyche myself into believing that she’ll be my little girl forever. And everyday, she keeps reminding me that it’s just not going to happen.
Here are just a few examples that let me know my time is limited:
1 – She used to request my input when deciding what to wear to school. As my little diva in training, I looked forward to our nightly routine – it was our bonding time. I would show her tips on how to accessorize or combine unusual colors to make the entire ensemble look fabulous. Throughout the years, she’s adopted my shoe and handbag fetish, as well as my love of bargain hunting and respect for a monthly budget. But lately, she doesn’t bother to ask for my help anymore. :-( Now, when I go into her room at night, she’s on the phone with her friends coordinating outfits. So I quietly retreat into my own bedroom. Then in the morning, I try to offer my assistance as I watch her dress, but it’s disregarded with a look of astonishment. I guess mama doesn’t know the latest fashion trends anymore. *sigh*
2 – Recently, she’s decided to cut her hair. I mean cut. it. all. off. She wears the sides/back very close and tapered with a teeny tiny bit on the top. Think retro Toni Braxton but shorter. Sometimes she wears the top spiked and sometimes she uses a moisturizer to make it curl. She has the perfect face for the style and she wears it well, so I let her maintain it. To keep the cut nice and fresh, she accompanies me to the salon every two weeks, but I long for the old days of doing her hair myself. Sometimes I have to look at old pictures to make sure the memories of hair bows and ribbons and long thick ponytails aren’t a figment of my imagination. *sigh*
3 – The most recent event that has me longing for my BabyGirl hit me this weekend. She and her friends have been talking about getting jobs. Actually, I think most of her friends already have jobs. But at her age (15), I don’t want her to work just yet. I want her to focus on her studies and get the most out of her extracurricular activities. In my opinion, she’s already extremely busy with a lot on her plate – my gas tank confirms it – and I don’t think she will have time anyway. So I didn’t take her seriously when she came to me yesterday:
“Ma, can you take me to the mall?”
Looking at her like she’s crazy, “girl, you know our budget is tight this month.”
“Yea I know, but I don’t want to shop. I want to find a job.”
*thinking* This chic is serious about this work thing…*sigh*…think fast.
“Umm, I have to do laundry and clean this messy house. Don’t you have homework to do?”
“I did it already.”
“What about that history project?
“It isn’t due until the 28th but I’ve already written my 2nd draft.”
“Well did you give Precious a bath like I told you to?”
“Yep, last night.”
“Mmm hmm…” *thinking* Damn!
*walking away*
[10 minutes later]
“Mom, can I just get on the bus and go to the mall by myself?”
*thinking* Lawd geezus, why did you give me this DETERMINED and INDEPENDENT child?
“Why do you want to go to the mall so bad?”
“Well, you told me I couldn’t work at Giant because it’s too far. You told me I couldn’t work at Party Mania because you didn’t like the location. You told me I couldn’t work at TGI Friday because you didn’t want me to be a waitress. So I talked to a few of my friends and they said AMC, Barnes and Noble, Hallmark, and ColdStone are hiring. I called ‘em to confirm and it’s true. They’re all closer and in nice locations, plus I won’t have to work for tips.”
*think fast Single Ma*
“Uh huh, but you didn’t even get that work permit app from the school.”
“Yes I did. I tried to give it to you the other day, but you were on the phone, so I put it on the dining room table. Want me to get it for you?”
*rolling my eyes*
“If you get a job, how are you going to manage all of your activities AND your responsibilities at home? And why do you want a job so bad. You don’t need money. I give you an allowance.”
“But I want my own money. I know I can manage everything. ”
“And your grades?”
“My grades won’t drop, ma, I promise.”
*giving her the “I’m ya mama, so don’t fugg with me” side eye*
*laughing* “Ma, pleeeeeeeeeease?”
*thinking of another excuse* “If you get a job, you’ll have to work on the weekends. Then you won’t have any time to hang out with your friends.”
“So.”
::blank stare::
Where did these days go?
Needless to say, my BabyGirl rode the bus all by herself yesterday. Although we played cell phone tag the entire time, a little over two hours later, she returned home with several job applications. Despite my other delay tactics that I’m too ashamed to mention, she promptly completed each one at the dining room table and plans to return them today.
*sigh*
What I’z gone do?
Don’t mind me, I’m having a pity party mommy moment.
[photos: jupiterimages.com]
This blog is all about Finance, Fitness, Fashion & Fun - the sum of my life. If you like what you've read, feel free to subscribe via (feed reader) or (email) to follow along.
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Damn! I’m laughing at YOU! All those dang excuses so she can’t get a job.. LOL! Um, if you feel like you want a baby, I can send Tyler to you for the entire SUMMER. Bet you’ll beg for a break then.. Your grocery budget will most definitely be out of the water then.
The way I feel right now, having another little one around may not be so bad. Even if he does eat a lot. LOL I think that’s why I love having her friends come over. I know my nest will be empty soon, so I’m trying to enjoy it while I can. [-SM]
With any luck she’ll get the B&N job and you can spent your weekends stalking her at work, reading books and having long coffees! On a more serious note, it’s great that you have brought up such an independent young woman, who is prepared to work hard. As an alternative to Serenity 23’s suggestion, maybe when Mr Wonderful gets back (soon, right?) you could start thinking about BabyGirl2 or BabyBoy, haha!
LOL @ stalking her at work. Hmm, now that’s an idea. LOL just kidding!
And you gets the Single Ma ::side eye:: for that last comment. [-SM]
She is so smart, independent and very sharp. Just like her momma :)
I loved this post.
Crossing my fingers she’ll get the B&N job. Fast food places are too much tempation to the hips. :)
She really wants the AMC job (movie theater) but I think B&N is 2nd best. We’re a family of readers, so that would be perfect. I don’t care for fast food joints either. The only one remotely close is Cold Stone and that’s ice cream. I would never allow McD or BK or any variation. Thank goodness she hasn’t asked. [-SM]
Aww, don’t worry sm it be alright, she’ll always need you. Besides, think of what the alternative would be. *Memories* I got the same 20 questions when I was trying to get my drivers license. LOL
That’s coming next. She recently finished driver’s ed at school and we picked up the driving book from DMV not too long ago. She wants her permit soon, I’m sure, but for some reason, she hasn’t pressed me about it yet. I don’t mind because I’m not looking forward to an increase in my insurance bill. [-SM]
Awwww….SM, I know how you feel. My daughter is only 5, but I can’t believe that already five years(almost six now) have passed. I miss the days when she needed me to do EVERYTHING for her. She’s getting so independent(i.e. dressing herself, picking up her room, etc.) I don’t know WHAT IN THE WORLD I’ll do when she becomes Baby Girl’s age…*sigh* I’m 27yrs old and my Mom STILL gets misty eyed and hates the fact that I am INDEED grown! Ain’t NOTHING like a Mother’s love!
I’ll probably be just like your mom. [-SM]
Just wait till you see how excited she’ll be when she gets her first paycheck!
I fought tooth and nail against my daughter getting a job at 16. At one point during the summer she had two of ‘em! I made her quit one when school started. It’s kinda nice watching her blossom into a mature, responsible young lady – even though sometimes my heart strings want to pull her back and hold onto her for a lil while longer…
I have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy the days with my son. In a few short years he will be on his way (if we have done our job) and will not need us in the same way. In many ways, I look forward to the journey, even if I have to open up his photos every once in a while to remind myself of the baby in the boy.
Sounds to me like you may be entering your “Gilmore Girls” years, if you know what I mean? The beautiful thing is, that when you are both ready, you have a daughter who is worthy of being your friend and she has a mother who is worthy of being hers. That is a true gift.
SM – I sooo hear you – my girls are 10 and 7 … with my first, I couldn’t wait until she could walk, talk, get out of diapers and go to school – I was so impatient for those milestones!! Now she’s in 5th grade, fighting me tooth and nail about her hair – “it looks too young!” – but luckily her clothing taste has been ok, kinda of cute, actually.
With my younger daughter, I was so sad when she reached those milestones – I want her to be my baby a little while longer! Now she’s in 2nd grade, and so bright and beautiful, I just want to cry. Every once in a while, she’ll come up and give me a hug and say, “don’t worry, mom, I’m still your baby.” She loves me now … I know it will change, I just don’t want to get there yet!
Cold Stone? She does know that they encourage their employees to sing for tips, yes?
That would make me crazy in, oh, 2.3 seconds, but undoubtedly BG is made of sterner stuff than I am.
I hope that she finds something that suits her schedule and lets her keep her grades up. (But if she’s finishing projects 2-3 weeks before they’re due, then I’m sure that won’t be a problem.)
Ah man, that was deep, Single Ma. You did a good job.
I’m glad to see I’m not the only one going through this.. BUT luckily she is not old enough so that excuse has been working.. BUT it may prolong itself a little longer since she has to think about a lot of things now regarding her after school activities.. She was ready to give up dancing but after this weekend now she isn’t so sure LOL
i worked at both a movie theater and a bookstore in high school and i have to say my vote is bookstore ALL the way. the movie theater was pure hell, i quit after three months!! the bookstore? worked there three years! good luck to BG, sounds like you are raising a very smart strong young lady!
Single Ma,
Ok so I have been lurking on your awesome site for a lil while now and of all of the blogs I wanted to comment on this one brought me out of hiding. (Go figure) I suppose because it resonates with me completely. My D. I. T. is turning 13 this month and I have to admit she has always been mature for her age. (She is about 17 mentally yikes!) She too is a 4.0 student who has a jam packed schedule that I have chosen to put myself completely into debt for (which is why I admire your financial savvy-I wanna be like u when I grow up! lol) AND is fiercely determined, independent, as well as stubborn! Before my eyes she is blossoming into a beautiful young lady. It is truly freakin me out! But I digress. This is not about my premature empty nest syndrome.
BabyGirl wants to work. If your ok with her working it will be a difficult transition but I am sure she will fit that into her schedule and run with it. ( My vote is for the bookstore also) I know I wanted to work when I was her age, but my mother forbade it and I kinda resented her for that too especially when it became my senior year and she was short on the finances.
I am not mad atcha for havin your pity party. Do a few woo saa’s rub your ears and get ready for a whole lot more! (driving! woowee!) Much love to you both!
Tough to see your little girl grow up.
Unfortunately, she doesn’t realize that this is the best time to just enjoy being young. She will have the rest of her life to work and make moola. On the other hand, she seems pretty mature and hopefully she won’t take on too much.
I have to give you mad props for your stalling efforts. =)
Mine will be 17 this month, and when she was 6 months away from her driver’s license, we decided she needed to get a job so she could pay for gas (we bought the car and pay insurance). I had some connections with a smoothie place in our mall, and got her in. The first day of work, I stood there watching her from afar almost in tears, like “What did I do to my baby, making her work”. But she really became so much more secure about herself, it was amazing! We laugh about the first time she was told to mop the floor and how the girls already working there were like “this girl is so spoiled, she can’t even mop”. But she stuck with it and has made some great friends out of it! Plus, it takes some pressure off me when it comes to buying those Coach purses she loves so much! I tell her now, you’ve got money!
I don’t know why, but your comment just made me cry. Picturing my baby having to mop some grungy floor, knowing good n’ well she’s mopped the floors MANY times at home. Sheesh! I must be PMS’in or something. [-SM]
Oh boy, I just read this from a cafe, and I’m doing my VERY best not to bawl. Please, no one look. You really caught me off guard with this. Thank you.
As everyone here says, Like mother, like daughter. This is so poignant. You should feel proud for raising such a smart, independent, go-gettin’ girl. Wow.
I’m also rooting for the B&N job. Ooooh, the perks for you! And BabyGirl would certainly learn a lot in that environment.
You know that I’m right behind you… my girl turns 8 in a couple of months.
I think that whole “my-mom’s-fashion-challenged” thing swings back to “mom-help-me-dress” around 16-17…at least it did with my girlfriends’ daughters.
LOL @ ” *thinking* Lawd geezus, why did you give me this DETERMINED and INDEPENDENT child?” —–> MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL….
You know what they say, “Children LEARN what they LIVE”. LOL You’ll be alright.
Whoo whoo whoo
Determined and independent! Yep that be my *babygurl* as well (misspelling intentional lol)….where does the time go? No more long thick ponytails here either *sniff sniff*
Some food for thought…my bg got her first *taste* of waitressing at the small mom/pop cafe she was working at on Saturdays. She was working the lunch shift, basically 11-2 and averaged 40-50 dollars for 3 hours. “Amazing money for a 15 yr old high school kid” was what she said. Our thinking is that she can work half as much time and make twice as much money leaving time for the studying! It is not for everyone, but it works for us!
I say us as I left that “politics and pantyhose” of the banking industry for a waitressing job and I make twice as much money for less that half of the time and NONE of the stress! She doesn’t have to work, I provide all that she needs, but its those *wants* that she be paying for!
SMFF has become part of my morning routine and I feel abundantly blessed to have found your blog! You are truly, truly inspirational and appreciated for keeping it so damn real!
It may seem like small consolation sometimes, but my goodness, she certainly sounds responsible and smart! She’s obviously going to be successful – and I’m sure it’s because she has a fabulous mama! Thank goodness my boys are still little – I’m teary just from reading your post, I can’t imagine what a mess I’ll be when my own kids are teens!