I really like what my parents did. I had to cover food, tuition, rent, everything while I was a way at school. But my mom takes me shopping, flies me home for holidays, etc. I don’t feel bad when she spends money on me because I know I am an inexpensive self-sufficient adult child.

Since starting dental school, not to brag or anything, but I’ve become awesome at grown-up stuff. I’m a wiz at finding good cheap insurance, shopping for the best student loan lender, finding scholarships, making friends with my financial aid conselor, getting in state tuition and saving 60 grand over 3 years, bartering with landloards for cheaper rent, doing online surverys, finding a coupon online for anything fun, finding free outdoor movies, budgeting student loan excess money, getting my cell phone company to lower my plan, finding cheap internet service, searching for cute inexpensive furniture on craigslist, etc. Once I graduate I’m definately going to annihilate this student loan debt and be just fine. If my parents were paying for everything, I would have no idea what to do with myself once I actually made a dentists salary.

My parents have 5 kids. They did school by themselves. I can do it too. They love me so much they let me figure it out on my own.

Way to go SingleMa. You rock.

I disagree with the idea of sheltering your assets. You’re too good for that.

DH lived at home to save money. He “worked” in the family business and trust me he could have made bank for what services he provided. His parents paid for college, but 2 am computer service calls are not fun. So he earned his degree I fully feel. He went to graduate school as well and makes six figures.

We both can support our parents fully. Now we did not go to private schools or have outrageous debts. We both went to public undergraduates. And I had minimal loans, only staffords. So we had great educations for the value.

Now we’re paying for DH’s MBA at a private school and it’s outrageous. I voted to the best of our ability we will pay. But it’s already being funded and we don’t have kids. And we already decided we will be saving enough for 4 years in-state tuition where we live. That will be more than adequate because we both did well with state schools.

However, we will encourage our children to do whatever they want including not going to college if they so desire. Forcing a child to do something they aren’t interested in is the fastest way to flunk out. We both did well because we wanted to. But some family/friends did not. A cousin ended up in the military and said it was the best thing for him to grow up. He did fantastic going back on the GI bill.

So each situation is unique. I am not paying for my kid’s wedding period. We paid for our own without help. Why? Because if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for it. Nor am I helping them buy a house, same thing, old enough to buy a house, old enough to save to pay for it.

Our parents both said they were giving us an education and that paid dividends back in SPADES. So we’re going to help our children educationally and that’s it. The rest is up to them. Also we will fully pay for trade school if they so desire.

@ all - I’ve read each and every comment and I really appreciate the civil dialogue. I wish I had the talent to write a thought provoking post like this every single day. LOL

It seems to me that people who paid their own way think that’s the best route and people who were fortunate enough to have their parents pay their way think that’s the best route. This is a perfect example of how life experience shapes your perception of the world at large.

I think each side (parent obligation vs. child responsibility) has valid points and neither is going to waiver. As with all things personal finance, you have to do what works for you.

To reiterate my position, I am going to “help” my daughter with her college expenses but the ultimate responsibility is hers to bear. And in doing so, I expect her to place more emphasis on 1-3 rather than 4-6 and she’s well on her way. I realize the importance of balance and I will make sure she is not overwhelmed or charting the course on her own. I have no doubt that she will still enjoy the full college experience of campus life, extracurricular activities (crimson and creme anyone? lol), community service, travel abroad, and (preferably paid) internships. This is my baby and I will not leave her in the world to fend for herself, but she WILL learn to stand on her own two feet.

For future comments, please feel free to leave them, but I probably won’t check in to read them as often and may not be able to respond right away. Again, thanks everyone for sharing your opinions. This was very interesting.

What are you going to do about college?

That said, my siblings and I were raised to be self-sufficient. Meaning, we all were given the tools to pave our own path in life, including college. My little brother just left for his first year of college and has a full ride scholorship to play baseball for the Texas Longhorns. My brother has been planning and working for that scholorship since he was 13 years old.

Our Father could easily and happily have paid for my brother’s eduction. Yet, we all have taken the same route in life. To make our own way and to say…

“Thank you Dad for all you have done for me. I got it from here on out.”

I’m sure, in three years, Baby Girl will be saying the same.

I plan to do something similar for my son. Thanks to a gift from his grandparents, his tuition at any state school is paid. We’ve pre-paid the fees. That leaves housing, food, insurance and other living expenses, some of which I could have prepaid but chose not to.

Why? I plan to help some, but it will be my son’s responsibility to pay for most of the rest. I fervently believe that when people don’t have a financial stake, don’t make an investment of their own, success is less important, and much harder to achieve. I want him to stand and succeed on his own.

I very much agree with most of your points and enjoyed this post immensely.