Some Things I’ll Never Understand
I love the DC area because I’m surrounded by friends and associates who are exactly like me – young, educated, career oriented, progressive, financially savvy, like-minded individuals. Although we share similar interests, we all bring something unique to the table. Our differences complement one another, and even when we disagree, it’s with a mutual respect. None of my friends are biological relatives, but I consider them my family. When we’re together, I feel comfortable and at home.
On the other hand, home – the geographical location where my maternal family members reside – doesn’t quite feel like “home” anymore. I don’t visit often, but when I do, I’m reminded of why each visit becomes fewer and farther between. Is it possible to outgrow your own family? I love them with every fiber of my being, but some of their behavior makes absolutely no sense to me. For example:
1 – A conversation with my aunt who drives a 2006 Ford Expedition.
I just saw the new 2008 and I’m thinking about getting one.
Why, what’s wrong with the one you have?
It doesn’t have all the features I want. Plus I’m ready for something different.
You’re going to buy a new truck because you want more “features?” Are you serious? After 2 years, isn’t it half paid for by now?
Yea, but so what. I’ll always have a car payment anyway.
*blank stare*
2 – A conversation with two cousins about Black Friday sales.
Hey SM, you going with us to Walmart tomorrow.
I don’t know, what time you going?
We’ll probably get up around 4 cuz the store opens at 5.
*smacks my teeth* Oh hellz to the naw! I aint getting up at the crack of dawn with y’all heffas. And for what anyway?
We’re going to get Bratz dolls.
*blink*
Girl, they’ll be on sale for $10!
So?
And the regular price is $19.97!
*blink* x 2
3 – A conversation with my Mom as she warns me about a cousin who thinks the world is against her.
Have you seen B yet?
Nope, not yet. How is she doing anyway?
Wait ’til you see her. I’ll let you judge for yourself.
Oh lawd, what has she been up to?
*lowers her voice* [we're the only two in the house lol] I’ma go ‘head and tell you, but you aint heard it from me. When you see her, she’s going to tell you anyway. So act surprised. OK?
[silent, waiting for her to spill the beans]
[giving me the side eye as she tilts her head like "you heard WTF I just said!" lol]
*laughing* Aight ma, I’ll act surprised! Just tell me, dang! LOL
*smack* What I tell you ’bout saying that word around me.
Sh…I mean, my bad. That aint even a cuss word. *turn my head to roll my eyes* So you gonna tell me or what?
Hmph! You might as well say the cuss word. Dang. Dag. Damn. It’s all the same to me! But yea girl, she’s living in a shelter! *pause for effect* And she’s not speaking to anyone but S [her sister] because she thinks WE “let” her get kicked out of her apartment.
*shocked* Daaaang…oops, I’m sorry ma. But why is she living in a shelter! And why didn’t y’all call me if she needed something!?!
Cuz I wasn’t about to bother you with her crap. Trust me, you don’t know the half.
Well, why did she get kicked out?
Why you think!? Cuz she aint pay the damn rent! See, that’s how you cuss. *smile*
But I thought she was on that program.
She is, but she’s still responsible to pay some of it herself. She got behind 3 months and they evicted her.
Well da…I mean, how much was her portion!?!?
I’m not sure, but S told me it was only $50/month.
*cross-eyed*
Stop looking at me like that before I slap you again. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. You better act surprised when she tells you!
[silent and in shock]
You hear me?!?
[doing the mental math ($50 x 3) - still in shock]
Shyt! Well just don’t say *I* told you. LOL
As I sit in the comfort of my NoVA apartment, I recall many more examples of what I consider irrational behavior. Eventually, I accept the fact that there are some things in life I’ll never understand.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!
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SHUT UP.. ok as I get back up from my chair.. 50 x 3.. well I got one that tops that.. my cousin got put out cause her was $7 a month.. RIGHT.. $7 muthaflippin bucks.. for a 3 bdr duplex joint!!!! and after 6 mos they told her pay or go.. she beefin.. WTF you spend that on your drug habit heffa!
girl *hugs* I love you.. LOL and the place where we have become..
oh I’m still laughin @ her saying so she gone always have a car payment LOL
Are you sure you weren’t with MY family..?
Brother shows up for dinner bringing nothing but his appetite! Asked couldn’t he get a cheap bottle of wine or sumthin?
“I’M BROKE, I ONLY HAVE A DOLLAR IN MY WALLET UNTIL PAYDAY”
Dam sure got cigarettes though, dontcha??
Better still are some of my frontin’ family members…living in their big houses, driving brand new cars, wearing the latest fashions…and getting regular contributions from their parents to support their lifestyles, all the while acting like they just “roll like dat”…and some of them are in their forties… I don’t think that is what PF bloggers mean by “multiple income streams” LOL.
Holidays have my eyes to the heavens and my teeth firmly biting my tongue.
I can’t say anything because we all have the same people in our families.
yep, sound like my family.
Sigh. I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve got alot of that over here, too–but mostly it’s fighting because my grandmother lent one kid (these ‘kids’ are in their 40’s and 50’s) 5 bucks (YES FIVE DOLLARS) but not the others. This kind of thing has been happening since I was little. It is partially the reason I moved away from home. I make salary-wise, about what they all make, combined! Could you imagine what would happen if I lived near home?? Ugh, it sickens me, esp. now that my grandmother is gone and they are all fighting over stupid things like spoons. It greatly dishonors my grandmother’s memory.
a related story: My sister has a mental illness (and some other difficulties in her life that are not her fault) and therefore, can’t hold down a job very easily, etc. My dad mentioned buying her a car and giving her some money to live, and was very quick to say that he’d be pushing some money MY way, too, to be fair. I know it was because of how his brothers and sisters fight over $$ (my dad mostly tries to mediate the fighting), but of course I was flabbergasted that he thought that I would expect my parents to give me the same treatment as my disabled sister, when he knows I’m perfectly capable and love that fact! For shame.
Families sure are messed up sometimes, eh? It’s a wonder we grew up to be the awesome people we are…
and wow. $150 was between her and the street…and she couldn’t pay it. Puts alot in perspective. Her rent was what I give to charity every month!
I know it must burn you that if they had come to you to help her, you could have done so very easily and would’ve been happy to do so, but maybe it’s better that she learns this lesson the hard way? I obviously don’t know what is going on with her, but it sounds like it’s going to take alot of work and luck to get her out of her mess, and maybe she’s better off trying to do it herself.
On the other hand, who can stand to see someone they love homeless?
Girl, I firmly believe that there are some thangs we’re just not meant to understand. And I’m good with that. LOL
Sigh…. Are you sure we don’t have the same family. Some people will never get ahead financially because of their habits and when you try to explain things to them, they give you that deer in the headlights look. Sometimes I just give up. I am glad that I moved away from home also.
I’ve often wondered, while I’m lost in my families “ideas” of normal, if they look at me and say that girl is one nut shy of the funny farm.
Or do they think I am a snob?
Maybe it is best, we don’t share what we really think. :-)
My entire, just about, southern family all drive the newest and shiniest and some haven’t worked in years.
Mines paid for – works for me.
I LOVED this blog. Okay, first of all, can I say that “I FEEL YOU” regarding the fam. I am from VA. I will rep VA all day but I NEVER want to go back there. I live in ATL and I love it here. Every time I go back to VA it seems like I am in a time warp. I am moving but everyone else is standing still. What in the world? So, i know what you mean about not visiting often. And I can relate because I am closer to a lot of my friends than my own cousins! Hmm…what is wrong with that picture. I am glad to see that I am not alone. Sometimes our families tend to like drama and they love it!
I am CRACKING up at how your mom was whispering and you two were the only one’s in the house. That is CLASSIC!(My mother DEF does that). Also, when she said, now that is how your cuss! TOO FUNNY!
Keep blogging lady. Good stuff.
KimPossible
I think you were talking about my family! As far as VA, my family is from southern VA (Hampton area) and it’s an entirely different state from NoVa!
Unfortunately, we all have a few (or not so few) of these types. There’s really not much you can do for them. It’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
i can relate, unfortunately. my family member keeps looking for car loans to replace the perfectly functioning van she already has. even though she doesn’t need a new car, or another debt to repay, or those dings to her already abysmal credit score. yet no matter how much i try to explain to her, she’s going to do what she wants, no matter how stupid it is.
You are the funniest writer I’ve read in a long time.
Go ‘head SM!
Wow! Thanks SM for this post. I thought I was the only alien.
I am originally from New Orleans so I know that we are not related but that sure sounds like my family you are talking about.
Oh yeah, got a childhood friend who was kicked out for not paying $7 per month rent. (True abuse of government assistance.-It ending up being a handout rather than a hand up!)
Thanks again.
The debt free lady
This post is hilarious, because I can relate, and sad, because it is so true.
I find distance makes the heart grow fonder, so I live away from family. And short visits are key to keeping my sane. If I stay more than a few days I go nuts.
Jeez! I’m sorry to hear about your cousin…but your mom sounds a lot like mine…
What’s it about Virginia? I’m from southern VA as well.
@ sense – I have no idea. LOL I’m in NoVA, but I never mentioned the state where my family lives. Thank goodness it’s not VA cuz that would be too close. LOL
Wow. For a minute I thought you were at my granny’s house for dinner. For a second I felt kind of bad, my 2000 Saturn looked like a wreck among the new Yukons, Expeditions and Lincolns. Then I got my sense back. My old car payment is now going into my savings account. I’m building wealth and my cousins are burying themselves in debt.
LMBAO
Wow!
Hmmm… I often feel bad talking about money to my relatives because I have plenty of money problems myself, but I try very hard not to create more. My aunt and mother open store credit cards EVERY TIME they visit a new store and only to get that useless 10% discount… I told them they’re wrecking their credit scores, but they don’t listen. My uncle’s engine burned out in his new car and he and my aunt were panicked wringing their hands about how to pay for the repairs… mind you, she owns her own business and he makes dang (oop, sorry!) near 90G in PENSION while he works another job. They own a giant house but don’t have 5G in savings to fix a car… huh?
But my brother started a budget after I talked to him about it and he told me that he’s much more comfortable with his money situation now. At least somebody’s learning!
Maybe your cousin needed some coaching or help understanding the things she should value in her life. You know, a heart to heart or a real “come to Jesus” talk. I’m not saying you shoulda been your cousin’s keeper because I know you didn’t know of her situation before she got the boot, but we were all at some point in our lives making bad decisions till we were moved somehow that made each and every one of us buck up and get our own mess straight.
You know, we’re all pretty fortunate to simply be aware of pf blogs to learn methods and practices of how to sustain finiacial health, as well as find encouragement to do so.
It’s just my opinon, obviously, but everyone needs a little positive self awareness from time to time to focus on what’s good with oneself. And to find out what’s good for onself. Some people need help being self aware of their physical, emotional, and financial state of mind. They could be too busy beating themselves down for doing this or that and not finding what’s good with themself.