Mother’s Day Will Never Be the Same
[WARNING: the following post is off topic, non-finance related, and could potentially be considered Single Ma's self-centered online therapy session. Y'all know she's crazy!]
Thanks to everyone for the Happy Mother’s Day wishes, emails, e-cards, and phone calls. I expect it from my friends and family, but I can’t believe how many thoughtful online buddies I have. And even more amazed at how many ex-es come out the woodworks on a holiday. Ha! I guess I leave a lasting impression, huh? LOL
Well if you’re wondering, my Mother’s Day was very relaxing, but I’d be lying if I said it was enjoyable. I tend to clam up on major holidays and retreat into a cocoon. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, but I think it has something to do with my relationship (or lack thereof) with my parents…especially my mother. No matter how much love surrounds me on any given holiday, it just isn’t the same without ya mama. Nah’mean? I try so hard to be a good mom and I’ve tried even harder to be a good daughter. But sometimes your best just isn’t good enough. *sigh*
The day started with a wave of depression and I sulked until my BabyGirl got mad at me. She tried to cheer me up with breakfast in bed, offered to unpack the rest of the boxes all by herself, wash my car, clean my room, etc. but nothing worked. I didn’t even get out of bed until after 2pm. When I finally got up, I showered, ate, then went back to bed again. Phone call after phone call, email after email - and thank gawd I moved or I would have had visitors too - I listened to the voice mails, read the emails and ignored every one of them. I spent all day watching Love and Basketball (I’d rather wear a jersey than an apron!), Brown Sugar (when did you fall in love with Hip Hop?), Rush Hour (I aint no punk bytch! Ha!), and The Player’s Club (All you do is spin ray-chords! Ha!)…over and over and over again. Damn that was fun! LOL
…until BabyGirl had enough. She stormed into my room and gave me the 3rd 5th degree. With anger and tears in her eyes, she told me I needed to stop letting my mom steal my joy. She compared our parenting styles and told me she thanks God everyday that I’m her mom. She said she is amazed at how I don’t let anything hold me back from pursuing my dreams and she admires me. She said she knows being a single mom is hard but she couldn’t have asked for a better single mom if she could have picked one out herself. She said I give her strength when she is weak, I motivate her when she thinks she’s not good enough, I encourage her to press forward when she’s ready to give up, and I love her even when she thinks she doesn’t deserve to be loved. She said she was especially thankful that I gave up so much and disrupted my entire life to have her in a better school. She said she knows we can’t really afford to live here (the nerve! lol), but it made her realize the importance of education. She said I’ve sacrificed my life for her and that’s why she thinks I’m the best mom in the world. Then she gave me a hug and told me to stop letting her grandma make me sad.
Now I won’t lie, I was full of mixed emotions. First, how dare THIS child talk to me LIKE a child. Second, how dare her tell me I can’t sulk if I want to. Third, why can’t my mom be the kind of mom I need her to be and do the things for me that my daughter just described. Fourth, why is MY child so damn smart. Fifth, when the reality of her words finally dawned on me, I cried like a baby (more like boo hoo’d a bucket of tears) because they were exactly what I needed to hear. Absolutely priceless. Her words meant more to me than breakfast in bed or any material gift money could buy. Although I want to strangle her sometimes (I brought you IN this world and I can take you OUT - ‘member dat? HA HA), I live and breathe for that chic. My BabyGirl…
She made me new again and my Mother’s Day will never be the same.
Peace & Blessings
~*~*~*~*~*~
Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!
~SM
~*~*~*~*~*~Work to achieve, not to acquire.
And as always, BE FABULOUS!
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Out of the mouths of babes…
I.LOVE.BABYGIRL.
Stop saying you “try to be a good mom”, you “try to be a good daughter”. YOU ARE. Period. Do not lift that period or replace it with a comma, question mark, or series of dots. You can’t change your mom. Be you.
Tell BabyGirl that she has broken it down so that it shall forever remain broken! Her so sweet. LOL
You’ve realized what some women never learn: that you can’t change your mother. My relationship with my mother just got a lot better when I stopped being mad at her for not being a good mother. I can’t change her, or the past, and me being upset only upset me, not her. So now I don’t expect anything from her, and we get along much better.
You are a great mother, and that is final.
This post meant so much to me. I have not spoken to my mother in almost a year, and like Baby Girl said I have to stop making her steal my joy. I see the relationship my friends have with their mothers and I wish I had that.
wow…talk about beautiful.
you’ve done a FAB job with her SingleMa and obviously been a great example for her to follow.
you’ve done a FAB job….that alone should keep you on cloud nine.
As Mama money said…you cannot change your mother.
Girl ya sound like me in that post. I had to learn to love my Mom from a distance. I’m glad we live in two different states.
Maybe your mom is not happy therefore she has to make everyone around her unhappy.
You have an wonderful daughter! Her wisdome didn’t come from no where - a huge part of that comes from you - Single ma!
I once heard that you get two chances at a mother-daughter relationship. One as daughter and once as the mother. Sounds like you are right on track for an awesome second chance!
From personal experience, my mom died 2 years ago. When I think of her, I think about all the good times we had and thankfully there were alot of them. The best gift you could give to your daughter (and yourself believe it or not) is to make wonderful, fun & loving memories. And as for your mom? Well, she just missed out on you — don’t ever let her make you miss out too!
…just my two cents! Happy Mothers day!
Now that’s just beautiful.
I’m glad you’re so honest with your writing — letting us know it’s not all sugar and spice on Mother’s Day, but that your baby girl lifted you up when you needed lifting up.
Funny, I was just thinking about The Player’s Club last night while watching LisaRaye on TV and asking myself how could I have ever watched that movie!
At least Ice Cube had insight when he wrote how humiliating it must’ve been for women to take their clothes off in front of a room full of men.
I loved Love & Basketball, though.
And I even liked Brown Sugar…
Babygirl is growing UP. Everyone’s right, SingleMa, you’re a fabulous mother, an amazing role model, and there’s nothing that can change that. Even better, Babygirl understands all the sacrifices and efforts you’ve made for her, and appreciates it. What more could a mother ask? Oh, to be told that if she could CHOOSE her own mother, she’d choose YOU. And she just did.
Great job, Ma, and may every Mother’s Day from here on out remind you that your daughter has everything in you that you wished for in your mother. You have both broken the cycle, and you have been blessed.
I’m gonna need one of those kinds of daughters when I have kids. WOW!
You are that Proverbs woman, the one whose children would rise up and call her blessed.
Congratulations!
I am so glad I stumbled upon this site. My Mother’s day was similiar. I don’t want to turn your post into a pity party but I too was depressed on Mother’s day b/c of my relationship with my mother( or lack of) and I just wasn’t feeling it. I got up out of bed at 10am (which is late for me) and just kind of lulled around the house. My babygirl or bouba as I call her treated me to some pampering. I had her call her grandmother so she could wish her a Happy Mother’s day as I couldn’t do it that day , so I wished her a HMD yesterday. My bouba is always uplifting me and telling me how she is glad that I am her mother and that she just could not be left to deal with her grandma on her own. Also how she is glad the I encourage her and motivate her. So in light of similiar circumstances and just b/c, I wish you a belated Happy Mother’s day and to all mothers who strive to be good Mothers and good Daughters.
“And the child shall lead them…”
I’m not sure I’ve got the wording exactly right, but you get what I’m saying.
On the other hand, sometimes you just have to stay in bed until 2 in the afternoon. It’s called taking care of yourself.
right on to baby girl!!! and don’t make me kick your arse here ms. single ma!!!
*hugs*
Baby girl hit a home run on this one!
You are fabulous!
awwww now isn’t that just how “regular” kids are???!! I LOVE IT. And wish I had it too.
You just keep on inspiring me girl! My youngest child sounds like baby girl.
I too wish my mother was the kind of mother that I need. Nothing we can do about that now sista, all we can do is be better ma’s to our own. Its hard tho I kno. A few days before mothers day my mom took money from me and when I checked her on it…it was oh i borrowed it. *sigh*
I know how u feel truly.
You still fabulous tho!!!
What an amazingly articulate girl you have raised. I have tears! I am very impressed at how wise Baby Girl is. I hope I can come close to raising such an intelligent child! Great job!
children are a blessing ! sounds like a great girl
Happy belated Mommies day !
Smart cookie. You gotta wonder where she gets it from since her momma likes to mope in bed!!
heh heh
Your daughter is a constant amazement. You are a GREAT MOM.
Wow. I am out of town dealing with my own Mother’s health issues, it is very grim, which I am having a very hard time with due to OUR strained relationship over the years..and I go to the library to check blogs and found this post. Thank you, it has helped me with the burden that I have been carrying this week…..my Mother may have the big “C”…and I may lose her…hae I been a good enough daughter? And am I being one right now, even though I am here with her?? Is that enough? Because it has been HARD…mentally and physically. Am I selfish because I want to run far away from all of this and leave my siblings to deal with it???
That BabyGirl is a winner! You know that when she was administering that tough love, you were looking at yourself, right? LOL!